The piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile

"I’m a sucker for strings and lyrics, and broken-hearted love songs. This one gets props for all three"



So imagining a mash up with The Scientist and Dreams.

Brain Vomit

Waking up so early in the mornings, I'm finding that general sleepiness, overall incoherence, and a desire to not program at the butt crack of dawn often leads to a disturbing lack of inhibition. Or mainly, a state of sober semi-drunkenness where I think I've come up with something interesting/meaningful that has to be stated and receive insulting but accurate (upon post-morning ruminating) replies from my BFFs. The brain races and continually smashes into a brick wall, I guess. Ah. Awkwardness. Embrace it.

Nice Guy Syndrome

[From Urban Dictionary]
An annoying mental condition in which a heterosexual man concocts over simplified ideas why women aren’t flocking to him in droves. Typically this male will whine and complain about how women never want to date them because he is “too nice” or that he is average in appearance. He often targets a woman who is already in a relationship; misrepresenting his intentions of wanting to be her friend and having the expectation that he is owed more than friendship because he is such a good listener. He is prone to brooding over this and passive aggressive behavior.

Fashionista...not

Despite it being a good seven years since high school, I've realized that there are still two constants that have held solid for the mid 20s, working set with no kids (call me a yuppie and I'll punch you in the face).

Clothes and TV.

Seeing how I've been covering the latter ad nauseam since..well, forever, how about a little discussion on the former?

So. I like nice looking clothes. I'm just too cheap and lazy to explore beyond the confines of Target, my sister's closet, and my laptop. Scanning around my sample of friends from LA and SF, fashion tends to just blend together into a hodgepodge of leggings, ankle boots, Greek sandals, trench coats, short dresses, and/or long shirts. So picking out something individually for myself within the masses? Kind of hard.

What's easier? Laughing at really atrocious fashion. Ha. What better way to find it than the SALE link on various high end clothing stores? Sure, you could always go to whatever celeb fashion police site and cackle gloriously at whatever dlist atrocity decides to make an appearance, but I find it's more satisfying discovering something that was made with the intention of regular folk (with minorly above average income or no dependents) to actually purchase and be ridiculed in public.

So today's fashion no-nos come courtesy of a clothing site I actually like (kind of a reminder not to be a slave to brand names/stores because they all are capable of producing crap):

1) ModCloth:The Van Gogh Jumper

The cyclical nature of trends has a way of smacking me in the face in hindsight. I told myself that the unflattering tight capris from Grease could never make comeback, Cowboy boots were for rednecks, and sequins were too much of a little girl pageant throwback to ever be worn seriously by adults. Of course, I ended up wearing all three at one point or the other (yay hypocrite!). So, I could be wrong picking out this little ensemble right here, but if the day comes when I'm caught wearing a floral multiple muffin top and pumpkin thighs inducing jumper, feel free to kick my ass.


2) ModCloth: My Way or the High Waist Shorts
Understandably, the elastic tube top did wonders when it came to squishing boobs to non-existence, so I'm guessing the designer of these pants thought it'd be a great idea to apply the same concept to the uterus pooch every bloated female is cursed with. But really? No. Just no. Especially when contesting with the super attractive red imprints left behind on your gut at the end of the night. No.

Songs Currently Stuck In My Head (aka boring MV post)

Ludo - Love Me Dead


Great Northern - Houses

Things My Mom Says

I think the greatest thing about my parents having English as their second language is that whenever they cuss, I know they put a lot of thought into it and actually want my sister and I to overhear them. It's particularly apparent since they always emphasize a particular curse word while speaking. Just a little added "oomph" behind every "shit", "fuck", or "bitch", you know? So the following quote, just imagine this lovely lady...
stressing the "fu" sound behind her "fucks":

"While me and Hung are fighting and he tells me, 'fucks your mom!", and I say, 'Well, my mom is dead so you can just go and fucks her in hell!'"

She's a fiesty one...just don't think she entirely has the grasp on the proper way to insult.

"No Time for Talking."

So it's been five days since I stood in a Princess Diana themed living room and received a piece of paper that now lets Nick automatically have, without additional paperwork, some money if I happen to croak. Oh, and of course, I now have a cheaper health insurance plan. Woot.

So general details how it actually went down:
1. Amy got me my dress from eBay for $86. Highlight of the entire process. It was cheaper than my senior prom dress. Nice. Me and sissy:2. Saturday: hitched a ride with the family to Reno. Stopped by the courthouse for the license, perused the front for chapel brochures and chose the one that advertised $13.90.
3. Sunday: Got ready, got shackled in less than a minute, and got to witness my dad gorge himself at The Peppermill Buffet. Reference entry title to encapsulate his general mindset whenever there was food within 10 feet of him.


Some general comments on the immediate aftermath:
1. Nick gets admiring compliments on how quickly and painlessly he was able to accomplish everything. I'm currently on inquiry #23 on whether or not I have a bun in the oven. For the record, I am not pregnant.
2. My last name stays. Though "Kuojo" really was in serious (but not really) consideration. Ha. Still cracks me up.
3. Does every girl really fantasize about their dream wedding when they were young? Yeeeah. I wanted to be Batman's sidekick.

All in all. Not a big deal. Yaaaaaay.

New Favorite Commercial

See more funny videos and Music Videos at Today's Big Thing.

General Unpleasantness

If there's anything to exacerbate my predisposition to loathe Stephanie Meyer, discovering she based New Moon on a Blue October song really jump starts the vivid violent rage imagery. That and the new found assumption that being a fan of Muse originates from being a Twilight lover. Argh. Hate hate hate hate hate this particular pop culture phenomenon. I really do. That being said, I'll begrudgingly admit without the girly lameness, Vampire Diaries wouldn't be receiving its due and I wouldn't have the unofficial bragging rights to owning vintage copies of the series from the early 90s. Oh yeah, my pre-teen tendencies have been way ahead of the curve, bitches.

Anyone finding the whole Kanye-Taylor Swift thing to be more amusing than anger-inducing? I mean, when someone manages to out-douche themselves to such a public degree, you can't help but laugh in amazement. Plus, the resulting reactions from the blogosphere is like a neverending loop of celeb entertainment for weeks to come.

For example, Michael K holding up on his part:
"Gay Fish made the MTV VMAs all about him by breaking the heart of a toddler."
"Jon Gosselin is standing by to gladly hand over his used tampon tiara (made by Ed Hardy, of course) to Kanye West and crown him the new Douchebag of the Millennium."

Hachiko

My co-worker and I were discussing about how much it sucks when you have a very distinctive emotional response to something as a child but you can't remember the name of it. Pretty much, the only way you can rediscover it is by happenstance.

Lo and behold - Richard Gere is remaking Hachiko!


Hachiko was a Japanese film my parents happened to watch when I was REALLY young and all I could remember mainly was watching an adorable little dog waiting for his master by the train station. Eee. The homogenized white-washed remake will probably be craptacular but actually having official documentation on a fond memory (and being brought to tears) is kind of worth it. Yay.

Wiki Entry of the Actual original story: Squee

Dog video

Cause they are awesome

Wait For It

I've been watching a lot of HIMYM and last night's repeat viewing featured the "Oh" moment - when you find out one detail about a person that's going to be a deal breaker. Since I've never been on a date before, Barney's awesome profoundness isn't something that I can utilize on a regular basis but still blog-inspiring nonetheless. If I were to be conversing with a dude, what would be the thing that turns off all prospects of attraction to him?

Now, before commencing, some finer notes:
a) I'm only focusing on aesthetic attributes. Once I delve into personality stuff, then I'm taking hypothetical dating way too seriously and just adding unnecessary mileage past the overstepped boundary of "time to get a life".
b) Attributes have to be of the more subtle variety. No point in being a deal breaker when there's no chance of a deal being made. [i.e. excessive obesity, hairyness are NOT "oh" moment inducing].
c) Yes. I'm being shallow. I know. But if you actually knew me, I do have sporadic moments of depth and sincerity. I think.

So. A couple of attributes.
1. The Wonky Eye
Background
Wonky eyes can have a range: from the ultra-obvious lazy eye of Paris Hilton to the more subtle indirect single-eye contact variety of Robert Sean Leonard. Note, wonky eyes are different from crossed eyes since in the former case, one eye DOES focus on a target and in the latter, both are focused inwards no matter what.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Aside from going against the whole "people are prone to symmetrical faces" instinct, wonky eyes are just distracting. For one thing, they have the tendency to give off (or reveal) the appearance that a guy's only half-interested in what you have to say since his goofy eyeball is too distracted and will never focus on you. Plus, there's the perpetual dazed and confused look that you have to constantly deal with and the constant annoying question on why the two eyeballs just can't match. I mean, one eyeball lined up fine, what genetic purpose does it serve to have the other one stare off in another direction? So, cute guy and good actor RSL is, he's off the list.

2. The Snaggle Tooth
Background
Can also be referred to "Why I Can Never Lust on an English Musician". Granted, the picture of Steve doesn't really pose as a great example of a deal being made in the first place, but snaggle teeth can do a pretty decent job of remaining hidden. I just didn't have the stomach to do a google search and scan through the real extreme varieties just to find a more subtle example.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Snaggle teeth suck. Seriously, let's say I meet this totally cute, focused-eye fellow and I realize I've just hit the golden personality standard - same sense of humor. So I'm cracking up, he's cracking up and instead of focusing the joke on hand, all I can think about (with every jagged teeth-revealing guffaw) is why the hell he couldn't invest in a set of braces . When we grab a bite to eat, a little snide voice in my head tells me, let's hope he doesn't order the salad because the visual of a loose leaf getting caught on his errant canine is enough to make me lose my appetite. So, decreased enjoyment of comedy and food? Yeah, not going to work.

Goal of the Day

Is to attempt a video-less entry. There's only so many times I can supplement my uninteresting nature with goofy links from Michael K or Funnyordie. People will start to notice the pattern.

So. How about a formal introduction? My new roomie Andrew from South Carolina:

He's interning at the lab this summer and is a pretty fun guy. For one thing, he allows me to pay photoshop homage to his mad skills of impersonating the Beastie Boys.

And another - he teaches me awesome dance moves. This one is called "The Stick":


Our current living situation wouldn't have come to fruition if he hadn't met this charmer of a guy:

That's Dave. He let's me pay creepy homage to his love for Miley Cyrus:


He and Andrew met last summer when they were both interns at the lab. They have pretty good chemistry and enjoy bonding over their mutual affection for striped collared shirts and mimicked katana fights:


After a chance severely awkward meeting with Ashley on BART, the rest is year-old history. Unfortunately, Dave couldn't return this summer and Ashley's at law school, so I'm pretty much left to my own personal devices to keep Andrew entertained. Future updates on how that comes along. So far, two weeks in, it hasn't been too bad. No "So...do they do the Charleston in Charleston? Hardy har har." moments yet. Score one for me.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

I should just have a direct feed into dlisted and just pawn it off as my own. Clip of the day = Hilarity.




Terms I learned this weekend that I should have known but just didn't catch:
1. If You Seek Amy
2. Booty Do.

Cool Beans

Funny Hotties Entry

I recently perused an album dedicated to a guy's obsession with girls that curled their hair. It was..interesting? Can't snark too much on it since I was the lame-o actually bored enough to go through it. Anyway, whatever gets him off, I guess.

Which segues into my personal obsession (yes, another). Mainly, super hot actors posting hilarious videos on funny or die. Or more precisely, super hot Ryan Reynolds and James Franco posting anything online.

First: Ryan's Huffington Post Blog

Second:

Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds: Behind the Scenes of The Proposal from Betty White

Third:

The Hills with James Franco and Mila Kunis from James Franco

Star Trek

Fantastic (as expected). Fun, exciting, funny, great performances, blah blah blah. It's all been said and done. Even the new awkward lust I kind of have for Spock has been noted (EW.com beat me to the punch). Quinto was all kinds of hot even with the pointy ears, bizarre eyebrows, and bad bowl cut.
On the geek side, I now know what the hell people are talking about when discussing the terms: "Vulcan Nerve Pinch", "Red Shirt", and "Kobayashi Maru." I also spent a good 20 minutes explaining to Nick the difference between the original Star Trek and TNG. He thought Uhara was a female version of the guy from Reading Rainbows and Leonard Nimoy was actually Patrick Stewart and liked boobs a lot.


Just realized that the people who wrote Transformers also wrote Star Trek. Ha. Gotta admire my consistency.

Miss Pole Dance World 2009

Is Amazing.

X-men Weekend

Wolverine was as expected. Too much story, too many mutants, and ridiculously short, unimaginative fight sequences (i.e. Sabertooth charges on all fours when him and Wolverine get stabby with each other - fun seeing it the first time, a bit tiring the fourth time around). If you've seen the trailer, you've pretty much saw all the action (minus the final Weapon XI sequence, which was...okay). In addition, HOW many missed opportunities to kill William Stryker can the writers create? One comic book plot device I can always do without: the "I have the evil villain at my mercy but I won't kill him because I won't sink down to his level." Come ON.

Pros of the film: Better than X3 (not hard). Ryan Reynolds and Gambit appropriately chewed the scenery to my liking (though I'm extremely biased when it comes to those two). Hugh Jackman's still solid as Wolverine.


On a more positive note, X-men Animated Series DVDs finally came out (Thanks Gordon!), and the 10 years since I've caught the reruns on tv still hasn't marred the awesomeness in terms of viewing. It also reignited the anger feelings over how much they raped Rogue's characterization in the movies. Completely doing away with the Mystique-adoption/Ms. Marvel absorption storyline? Lame! LAAAAME! On the flip-side, watching the kid-oriented cartoon does make me appreciate the satisfaction of watching Wolverine actually STAB flesh and heal from his wounds in "real life". It's such a cop out watching him insist on stomping on Sabertooth just to satisfy the FCC. Yeah, that'll teach him.

Gene Spa or Why I'll Never Work Out in Public

Review- My dad's face pain face:
My pain face (and sharp non-pigment contrast):

Anecdote Behind the Dad Picture Search

With my new recent foray into attempted ripness, I can't help but be concerned that out of the severe multitude of traits I've inherited from my father (i.e. the above and all dorky awkwardness), his approach to exercising is one I can do without.

Now, my dad's pretty good at being active. He goes on hikes, walks, swims, plays tennis in the morning, all that good stuff. Of course, being my dad and not giving two craps about what people think, he always proceeds to do it with whatever second-hand 10 year old clothing choice my mother picks out for him. Case in point, the gigantic Fob visor complete with embroidered fancy flower print. Or the super tight Speedo swim shorts with neon blue striping. In general, mildly embarrassing, but still falls under the "what parents usually come up with to mortify their oversensitive children" category.

The cause for worry typically comes around when he suddenly comes up with some newfangled "routine" all on his own that will get him his daily dose of cardio and strength training. I've heard it's pretty common around Asian men my dad's generation to harbor a ridiculous stubborn streak, so the conviction that he has that some random technique he comes up with will work? There's no way of breaking it. Including taking my 5 lb. dumbbells and flailing around in all directions while watching his NCAA game. Nick tells me I need to go into stealth mode and steal them away from him to preserve his dignity. But where's the fun in that?

Sample Dad Quote: "I'm working out my arms, Alice! Look how good I am!" (General cockiness apparently goes hand in hand with the stubbornness).
Me: "You're not doing it right, dad. You need to keep your upper arm still."
Default response to any criticism: "This is the engineer way!"

As amusing as that is, the tipping point of full blown genetic panic actually occurred during the winter time a few years back, when my dad's intense fear of catching a cold meant finding an alternative to his freezing walks. So, brilliant mind he is, he decided, what better exercise is there than performing "laps" in the 5-ft diameter spa? Of course, this meant that every morning while eating breakfast, I was privy to the scene of him splashing furiously with his arms and feet, complete with intense goggle induced muffin top hair bobbing action. Basically, for a period of one month, he was our personal mini tidal-wave creating machine in the backyard. An ongoing game I had with my mom was guessing how low the water level would be after my dad was done with his moving-but-not-really spazzing routine. Thankfully, this particular display of the engineering way, though impermeable to continuous fat jokes from smart-ass family members, was no match for the balance of the water heating bill. Frugality beats Stubbornness on most days, I guess. Now to figure out a way to convince him using 5 lbs weights is bad for his wallet.

Epic Fail

Yesterday was the first day of P90X. The basic breakdown of activity:

40% spastic jerking. I'm too busy staring at the tv, trying to match my uncoordinated limbs to what Pam the Blam is doing and failing miserably. How are you supposed to keep your eye on the target and see what's going on at the same time? Focus on form, my ass.

40% flailing and collapsing. My bunny hop was basically a panting Grapevine shuffle. The superman pose translated to my personal interpretation of a human Twinkie (I'd say log, but even wood is probably in better shape than I am now). Lending further hand to the indignity of my soft, mushy unathleticism was the fact that with every face plant I endured from a failed push-up, I got the added bonus of being covered from head to toe in dog hair. Time to vacuum.

10% gawking. I don't care what the infomercial says. There is NO WAY in hell I'm ever going to get around to doing a Chattanooga running push up.

I knew I was in for trouble when my butt started hurting all sorts of severe during the basic warm up. To think, I was haranguing myself for failing to steal back my weights from my dad. Ha. What a joke.

Results: arms and legs are pretty sore today. I can only imagine what it'd be like if I actually did the recommended number of reps (correctly).


Whoo Sharks!

[edit] Jess kindly noted that I've lost all ability to count to 100. I blame it on lactic buildup around my brain.

Heat Wave in April

Has gotten me waxing nostalgic over last summer. Capitola was a lot of fun.

At the moment I'm suffering from a mid-20s crisis. I blame it on the Sharks blowing it.

Shallow...

...but, Rupert Everett, WHY?

Baby elephant tears are threatening to shed over loss of English adorableness

Setting Myself Up For Failure

Nick recently ordered the P90X Workout DVDs that are supposed to be some at-home boot camp. They're currently on their way and I'm going to give them a shot. Below is a photoshopped image of what I'm expecting to turn out at the end of 90 days. The ceiling eyes come with the package, of course...and the apologies for the induced nightmares.

All kidding aside, it would be pretty cool if this thing turns out to really work. To motivate (or embarrass) myself some more, I figured I'd take the opportunity and use good ol' blogland to document my process. Still pumping myself up towards taking the Day One "before" pic. Ugh. In the mean time, another exaggerated photoshop to take it's place:

Elvis has NOT Left the Building

The last I will say of the matter:
Saying "frak" in conversation is like having sex with your bra on. It serves its purpose in appeasing the FCC but loses all practicality in real life. So PLEASE STOP SAYING IT.


This weekend, I happened upon an enjoyable episode of TV. Of course, being me, it was a cartoon. Featuring teenagers. (cuing "OHHh Alice") A little Canadian gem called 6Teen.
General defensive response for viewing: My guilty addiction for teen TV is just made all the more better because the actors actually don't get old and I don't have to deal with the show jumping the shark when they go to college. Plus, it's funny. I enjoy funny.

Premise of episode: Nikki hangs out with with boyfriend Jonesy at his home and suddenly has stomach issues. Feeling the pressure of not being gross, she first attempts to use the downstairs bathroom (locked), then just bites the bullet and goes in the bathroom next to Jonesy's room, complete with gross-out farting sounds and pained expression that she just KNOWS he's hearing it all. More hilarity ensues involving the door opening, toilet clogging, water overflowing, Jonesy's freak out, etc. Plus another side plot of a guy farting to test his secret girlfriend's affection.

Hence, my enjoyment: It's the first time I've seen any form of media realistically show that girls have digestive issues and fart. And not in the "Battleshits" extremism ala Harold and Kumar; or the censored Sandra yelling really loudly from Two Weeks Notice. No, it's squishy, it's awkward, it's loud, and made even more embarrassing because boys like to believe that it shouldn't happen.

Overall, the show's pretty immature/tween-geared and I'm too fixated on fart humor. Even so, I definitely get some kind of weird pleasure watching females engage in equal-opportunity awkwardness. Just relate so well, I guess.

Will You Please Take Me To The Restroom?

Another quotable (for whenever I'm feeling particularly dull and uninteresting) courtesy of Ghost Town:
"We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. May be only to us, but it matters."

If I were to be really honest, I could just morph the above as another poorly rationalized reason to be more into myself because, goddammit, I matter. Even if no one cares. Ha. How convenient.


Last week, my co-worker asked me what "opt" meant in an e-mail he received from a colleague. The three letters appeared familiar to me (in terms of I knew they appeared in another e-mail before), so I assumed that they were part of a work-related acronym. Professional person that I am, I went to the handy dandy always accurate source of Urban Dictionary and in all seriousness, told my co-worker it meant "Oriental Person Time". Smooth. Turns out, it was "opt" as in "choose", and I was confusing "OPT" with "PTO". Acronyms really blow.

Don't Be Afraid If You Hear Voices

Every three to six months the black fuzzy outgrowth on my upper lip hits the right level of distracting in the car mirror and I decide it's time to wage another battle on my mustache. Of course, whatever attempt I do to make myself slightly more feminine becomes a moot point when unbecoming peach fuzz is replaced by either: A)gigantic red welts from waxing/threading; or B)gleaming pink blisters along my lip line courtesy of the Nair Corporation. Last night, I opted for option B. The point of this paragraph? Not much really, except that I now look like I mistook my curling iron for lip liner and it's therapeutic to acknowledge it formally.


Jess came up this weekend (yay), which translated to my quarterly allotment of having a life and being more interesting than normal (aka not much). Between attempts at Gossip Girl marathoning and the typical GH rounds, we've managed to squeeze in a trip to SF and eat delicious dinner at Butterfly on Pier 33. General highlights of the evening:

1. Poster girls for "Beware the MyFace Angles": After the initial confusion as to why a group of mildly over-aged/weight women were dressed up in extremely under-age/sized clothing with beauty pageant sashes (Mrs. America contest was brought up as a potential explanation but nixed quickly), drunken shrieking cued us in that one lovely individual was getting married very soon. The two stall bathroom at the restaurant, unfortunately, meant that odds were against us in terms avoiding the crossfire of champagne infused estrogen overloading hysteria. My first trip to the restroom, I was privy to an improvised performance for the restaurant staff of "Yankee Doodle" which included plenty of jiggling and clapping. ("Party in the haallway. Doo Da. Doo Da.") A second trip meant that Jess and I are now officially in the know that Girl XXX has been cheating on her husband with Guy XXX and that is SO WRONG. And a blue Jessica McClintock is THE BEST prom dress ever paired with half strap/half shoe silver shoes. Especially when compared to the slutty stuff teenagers are wearing today. (Their misquoted words, not mine).

2. What Personal Hygeine? Stupidly, I decided that it was a great idea to be all "fashion over comfort" for once and don on incredibly blister-inducing heels. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and opted to walk in my bare feet along the Embarcadero. My nostalgia for our Japan trip increased tenfold with the heightened awareness of the copious amounts of spit on city sidewalks.

3. Dessert Had my first beignet ever. Oh. My. God. Mentally kowtowing to Jess's cousin Liz as of this moment for hooking it up. Anyone who actually knows how to make them - be my friend please?

Relating

Liz Lemon: "I don't know, I'm still tired from that dinner. And meeting someone new? Ugh, all the nodding and smiling and sibling listing. What's the upside? It works, and you have to have a bunch of sex?"

Mash Ups

Wall-E doing the Watchmen trailer:


Seether covering Wham!


and just cause it wasn't in the actual album:

Eagle!

Obsessive fan that I am, I actually muddled through a picspam featuring Logan. It's been three months since I've made a blog reference to him, so I'm indulging once again and putting up two personal favorites I found. Reason behind these choices: In fantasy Alice land, if I were to irritate the hell out of him (which I'm predisposed to in reality Alice land), at least I get to enjoy the sheer adorableness of the corresponding reactions.

Annoyed (hee):

or a hamming mockery:


New show watch: Better Off Ted
Snapshot: Easily the most creative, clever, humorous show I've seen since Arrest Development. Nick and I were super-bummed when it ended because we just wanted more. Mini-celebration for new appointment tv! Fingers crossed that the quirky humor translates to ratings. With my luck, it'll just be added to the increasing pile of "Brilliant but cancelled".

Sample quotable from the show:
"It's not targeting black people, it's ignoring them. The worst people can call it is indifferent."

Hmm

Update on the dead body

Diaper Chicken

This past weekend, the street next to our place was barricaded off and there were tons of cop cars and official looking thingamajigs there for the entire time. Nick assumed it might have been a drug bust (Livermorons tend to get bored) and I just didn't think to much of it.

What it turned out to be.

Heh. On the plus side, my usual callousness meant that instead of being overly concerned about our safety, my focus was on the potential ramifications this incident could cause to the property value. I'm assuming it's a domestic incident, anyway.


This past weekend, I also saw Watchmen.
Instead of adding one summarizing review to the multitudes out there (my opinion basically matches with the RT consensus), I figured I'd just pinpoint moments I noticed.

1. Rorschach going stealth mode on Veidt. The little drop-to-hang-to-drop move was just really fluid looking with no jarring edits or floaty wire work. It was one little action moment out of several cool ones (props to Snyder), but I just enjoyed it in particular.

2. Matthew Goode CANNOT do an American accent. It really was a strange experience listening to him switch back and forth.

3. Jackie Earl Haley is a bit of a badass.

Virals of the Day

An old time favorite...


Made even more amazing:

Watch Stewie the Grape Lady on CollegeHumor

I know there's the bemoaning that reality tv has taken over and we've scrapped the bottom in terms of entertainment. I heartily disagree and present this little blurb (courtesy of dlisted, again) as formal evidence that horrible tv has always existed - at least dating back to the 80s.

I mean, at least today, we get to see bitches like Megan Hauserman get the beat down on tv.

I Swear, Jack

The new must-have accessory of the summer:
Screw body image issues. Give me a purse hat and my life is complete.

Muffin Top Inducers

Trader Joe's is evil. All the organic, natural hullabaloo about their food equates to me unabashedly grabbing anything from the aisles that looks mildly appetizing. This is correspondingly followed by the very attractive display of me gorging myself for hours in front of the tv because I. Can't. Resist. The Tastiness.

Yesterday, I took the liberty of actually checking the nutritional information of my favorites. I now hate myself..and I still can't stop eating.

Reasons why I can't join Amy and Jess on their non-sweets Lent journey:
1. Candy Cane Joe Joe's
Imagine Oreos with the cloying artificial sweetness in the cream replaced by finally ground pepperminty goodness. Now imagine them on sale for 50 cents per box because TJ's is getting rid of their Christmas overstock. Ohhhhh yum.


2. Mini Peanut Butter Cups
So aside from the smoother texture and the mellower chocolate versus the Reese's counterpart, the tiny bite sizes is where the sugar addiction downfall occurs. Normally, the overwhelming richness of regular/mini peanut butter cups makes it so I can just stick with one (or two, who am I kidding?). But by making the cups oh-so-small, the candy's allowing me a small break between bites to cleanse my palate and start the peanut-butter and chocolate addiction all over again with no end in sight. Anyone remember Ramona Quimby and her apples? The first bite always being the best?
It's kind of like that.


3. Greek Yogurt
In terms of deceptive goodies, this one takes the cake. I buy it, thinking, "Oo yogurt! Good for my bowels! And lightly flavored with honey means no overwhelming added sugar content!" So I'm happily satiating myself with my little tub of lightly tangy, oh so creamy bliss, mentally congratulating myself on finding a low-maintenance breakfast food I actually enjoy.

Then I decide to embark on the usual morning food container reading.

Well, goodness explained.

Second Ingredient: Cream. Fat Content per serving: Scary. Can't wait to buy some more!


In Summary: Orthorexia Nervosa actually exists?

Worshipping the Temple of DirectTV

Swearing off outside work internet usage for 40 days means replacing one vice with another. This time, it's catching up with the contents of the DVR. Woot. Capsules of new shows:

1. Leverage on TNT
Premise: Timothy Hutton leads a team of con artists that include an actress (Gina Bellman), a guy who punches people (Christian Kane), a computer hacker (Aldis Hodge), and a thief (Beth Riesgraf). They steal from corrupt rich people. How's that for a byline?

Why I watched: Couldn't rent Hustle through my co-worker's Blockbuster online membership. Opted to try an American take on a heist series instead.

Expectations: Not high - since the glowing reviews quoted in the promos referenced Ocean's 12 and 13 as a means for lavish comparison. The fact that the reviewer had to distinguish the sequels from the original gave me the indication that the series may be fun, but not of the highest quality.

Review: Initially, a bit clunky with the victims (who the viewers are supposed to sympathize with for the team to help) being entirely over-wrought. Attempts at humor seemed a bit forced, but after a few episodes, the talented actors seemed to get a hang on their characters and really gelled, complete with great chemistry and LOL moments. The cons are really clever and entertaining (albeit typically TV-land plausible) where I actually can't see the twists coming. Acting wise, I now have a little girl crush on Beth Riesgraf. By the fantastic season finale, I'm absolutely hooked and looking forward to the next season for sure.


2. Dollhouse on FOX.
Premise: Joss Whedon's new series where a corporation known as Dollhouse implants personalities onto blank humans to be used by rich people for whatever means they want. Eliza Dushku plays a "doll" named Echo. Tahmoh Penikett of BSG fame(HOOOOT) is an FBI agent trying to find Dollhouse.

Why I watched: Buffy. Angel. Firefly. Doctor Horrible.

Expectations: Joss Whedon? Excruciatingly high. Though, I'm not as huge a fan of Eliza Dushku as other Whedonites are. Don't know if she has range beyond Badass Punchy Girl.

Review: After two episodes. Meh. The premise of Dollhouse so far just seems like a glorified whorehouse with a geek-edge to it. Basically, Weird Science 2.0. What really makes the series falter is that I don't care about Echo one bit or what happens to her. When she's in peril during her "engagements", there's absolutely no investment because I know she'll just have her memory erased and revert to a boring glossy-eyed child. Coming from Whedon, who's forte ARE his characters, having a series centered around one with, literally, zero personality of her own is just jarring. Acting wise, Eliza does a good job of angry woman but kind of just looks confused when she's emoting.

Why There?

A prevalent conversation topic that's been popping up this past week has revolved around the various consequences of having to pee and not being able to. Call me stoked when coincidentally, I found this link.

Anyone want to try it out before me? I'll totally do it if no one else will. Though, on second though, my nightmare about being witnessed squatting and peeing by a bunch of school children doesn't necessarily seem like it'd be alleviated by the usage of a Go-Girl. Sure, I'm no longer in a precarious position with my butt on display, but is being caught standing up with a silicon attachment to my crotch really all that much better?



And I don't care if it's been brought up more than once that they look like sacrificial robes for a satanic cult. This cold nip has me craving for a snuggie:

Image Consultation for Husband Seekers

1. Pull hair into androgynous rat-tail.
2. Don on wrestling shorts of dubious origins.
3. Strap on Guitar Hero controller. The more obscure and unnecessary the model, the better.
4. Borrow cankle-inducing boots from BFFF.
5. Prepare to beat off the men with a stick from the sheer overwhelming desirability emanating from your new look.

Last Christian Bale Post, I Promise

Newsies was my absolute favorite movie as a kid, so this little mash up just really made my day:

NSFW F*ckin Newsies! @ Yahoo! Video

I'm Evil and a Heathen

Hah.Though I digress: Douchey behavior behind the scenes wouldn't ever prevent me from watching something decent. Bad acting, on the other hand, is another story.


The hair's all gone. General reaction is wavering between feeling like a boy with bad hair, fear of comparisons with Katie Holmes, and satisfaction over having one less superficial thing to have to deal with.

Color Me Shocked

1. Method actor throws a tantrum when his scene is interrupted.
2. 23-year old smokes weed while partying.
3. Fashion magazine cover is photo-shopped.
4. President quotes tabloid headline.

Must be a slow news day.

Bromance at its Best

A: ready for this?
after the backer, MC was using the restroom
so R. went out in the snow to pee
so N. came behind him and slapped him in the ass

A: so R., pants still open, turned around and started chasing N.
then he kicked N. in the butt
and the angle at which his foot hit N. broke (or almost broke, were not sure) his foot
and the best part is that N. didn't even feel it
he kept running til he heard R. yelling on the ground

A: you should harass R. about it
well actually
an added hilarious thing is that we were all wasted
so we all tried to help him
I tried to wrap frozen pie crust around his foot
but it was frozen
so we all just threw it around the room

A: and then MC tried berries
aaaaaand
I somehow got the whole thing recorded on my voicemail

A: so all of a sudden its like OW OW OW OW FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK OW OW OW OW MY FOOT MY FOOT MY FOOT
and then for four minutes it's R. yelling and the rest of us laughing

A: punctuated by N. yelling "I'm just trying to help, man!"

me: ..."breaking foot on boy's ass" sounds so much funnier than "falling into car"

A: true true
with penis hanging out, btw


And my favorite super bowl commercial:

Caption Contests

One of my guilty pleasures is the "CAPTION THIS" contest on dlisted. Sure, 75% of the time, I'm resisting the urge to gag at whatever new NSFW image Michael K posts for the day, but every once in a while, some real gems shine through. My favorite one of the moment:
I'm always curious about the bizarre circumstances that lead to the moments like that.

Ditto to this one I've been seeing float around for a while. If anyone knows how it came to play, I'd really like to know. I'm assuming it was just some clever photoshop, but if it's legitimate, it's a crack up.

No explanation really needed for this picture. I'm just impressed at whoever managed to get the guy to not only pose like that, but sign off on the picture release. Modeling is weird.

Hiro's Coming Home Today!

Help out the great place that let us adopt him (click below):


Further continuation of the crazy dog-lover theme of today:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Road to the Doghouse - Puppedential Debate

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video