Oh Tenenbaum

So I thought Christmas Sausage Beyonce would be the ultimate fashion highlight of the month. Thankfully year end photo coverage has shown me the light in revealing: Robo-Beyonce.

Mariah's definitely been served.


The past weekend Nick's mom took us up to a Calistoga spa where I received the complimentary gift of Eukee, the Eucalyptus Koala:Which was my cue for a lot of annoying swooning and lame attempts to have Eukee mimick life like behavior. A personal highlight - having him help Nick's dad balance his funds:

Holiday Time!

In the grand tradition of posting transparent photos purely with the intent to show off, I present my completed Holiday Puzzle:


Next stop, a montage of all the Christmas gifts I'll receive because people love me that much. After all, everyone knows how much money spent on you is the most direct measurement of genuine affection. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. (TOTALLY kidding if the sarcasm wasn't apparent).

And nothing gets me more in the spirit of Christmas than my favorite R&B singer doing her best impression of a Christmas Tree Sausage Hybrid:

Looks like Mariah has some competition.

Self Imposed Quarantine

Picture of the Day, courtesy of Miss Saha:


The name of the file: hating-stuff-to-make-yourself-look-interesting-is-not-interesting.jpg did jumpstart several memories of idiotic commentary I've been forced to listen to. Mainly, that of XXXX ranting at 3 am in the morning about how crop circles aren't formed by aliens and the middle of the night programming that indicated otherwise was just ludicrous, blah blah blah. Seeing how XXXX was probably the only person on the west coast watching such ludicrous programming, it was pretty much a moot point to whine about. Though I digress. I do love a good rant, so I take episodes like that as good warning not to cross the line - or at least be careful to who I rant to. :D

Dreams, Heroes, and Cuties

Last night I had an interesting dream. I was doing my usual thing of analyzing particular physical attributes of other people when randomly, someone pointed out I had really big armpits. I looked over, and lo and behold, I did have huge armpits. It seemed to make perfect sense in my dream, but in the real world, I wonder what that would actually look like. Is it POSSIBLE to have overlarge armpits? Profound hypothetical question of the day.

Last night was also the season finale of Heroes. Overall, I have to agree with Tim Kring's consensus that the writers definitely screwed up somewhat and this season was just pretty much a tease of what could had happened with no real satisfaction. Also, Maya screaming, "YOU KILLED MY BROTHA!!" instead of using her creepy eye mojo further reiterated the fact that her character has been the largest waste of screen time in the history of television. I still have hope for the third season, despite this one's lackings. Though Claire's blood bringing people back from the dead really feels like a cop out - now the writers have a nice go to whenever they want to bring back characters that ate it.

A few weeks ago, I came across the greatest about-me. I figured I'd post:
About Me
*hi* i'm 26 and a total cutie! *(^ ^)* i like to laugh and i love to eat cookies and ice cream - yum!! *(><)* heehee *^ ^* ummmm.... what else? oh yeah~ i'm aZn and i'm from sO kaLi and i luuuuuuuv my boyfriend! ~*(^ ^)*~ *teehee* huggleZ to every1~!! ------------ i didn't know what to write, but i used some exemplars from the "I'm cute" blogring.

The Spice Girls have started their tour. I was never a fan, but I can't pass up another flashy photoshop opportunity:

I'm Still Yawning

News Today

The Literary Review recently announced the nominees and winners of the Bad Sex in Fiction Award. My particlar favorite was that of David Thewlis, a.k.a. Professor Lupin from the Harry Potter movies:

"...a sex scene in his novel "The Late Hector Kipling," where a man has his nipple drenched in lighter fluid, set on fire and then doused in beer."

Oh Lupin, I didn't know you had it in you.

Celebrating

So, my birthday is tomorrow. My favorite scene was removed due to copyright infringement, but I figured this was just as good.

Photoshop

Some new and old additions:

1. Andrew the American Gladiator


2. Respecting her marriage:


3. Historic Boob:

Watching Too Much TV

1. Favorite Plot Device: Normal Guy/Girl with Extraordinary Abilities/Circumstances. Normalness further retiterated with supporting cast of quirky characters berating him/her to retierate how normal his/her life is. Just as long the quirky characters don't chew TOO much scenery. Example: Chuck.

2. Least Favorite Plot Device: Love Triangles.
There's no quicker way to make a likeable character unlikeable than with a love triangle. Basically there's two variations:
a) one love interest is obviously more unlikeable than the other, which makes the person stuck in the middle a complete idiot for contemplating even staying with severely unlikeable love interest.
b) both love interestes are high likeable, which causes the viewers frustration because it's sad to see one of them left in the dust when things finally come to its conclusion. Also, makes the the finaly coupling seem less satisfying because all you can think about is what could had been if the other coupling had happened and what a jerk the person in the center was to have left them.

In addition, with all the angst going on over unrequited love, everyone's just acting too emo to actually look like they'd be any happier finally being in a relationship. It basically gets to the point where each person becomes the complete opposite of what initially attracted them to the other in the first place. Example: cheerful, adorable Hiro from Heroes is now mopey, knocked unconscious Hiro screwing up the space time continuum over a simpering girl.
Happy Hiro:

Sad Hiro:


This past weekend, I think I literally felt the burning sensation of my brain cells melting off as I read a Q&A section in People Magazine regarding Kim Kardashian's (who???) butt. My long term memory hates me now for taking up precious space with the newfound info that Kim's method for figuring if her butt is just big enough is by having a towel hang from it without sliding off. Curse you, selective hippocampus - where were you during my EE123 Exam?

Driving

Between living at home during college, my job in Sunnyvale, and regular trips to LA and Oregon, I've accumulated a pretty hefty amount of mileage behind the wheels. So of course, along with the driving are the pet peeves associated with the drivers that aren't me (of course) and the all encompassing road rage that gets worse year by year. So out of the many things that tick me off on the road (i.e. slow mergers, lane hoppers, etc.), by far THE WORST offenders are easily the Road Boulders: slow people in the faster lanes.

What distinguishes these horrible drivers from the rest of the horrid masses is basically the TIME spent with them. Now, asshole drivers who cut me off to get ahead, I can get pissed for about half a minute, and then they're gone from my sight and I appease myself with the idea that maybe the CHP is about two miles down ready to pull them over. Similar logic applies to crappy mergers - once the merge is done with, it's pretty much over. Road Boulders on the other hand, I'm stuck behind them. And STUCK I remain while they drive along, completely oblivious to how much an asshole they really are and the extra commuting minutes they're adding to all the people behind them. People who are PISSED because there's a reason why the woke up at buttcrack of dawn and it ISN'T to drive 50 mph in the fast lane. So I created a guide to identifying the indicators that you might want to MOVE the F*** over. X marks the Road Boulder.


1. The distance between you and the car in front of you is enough for two other cars to squeeze in from the right side (which they probably already have).
2. When you look behind you, there's at LEAST two cars tailing closely behind you. No, they are not aggressive assholes tailgating, they just merely want to go FASTER in the FAST lane.
3. Not enough evidence? The cars on your RIGHT are passing you.
4. Still not enough? The huge semis in the slow lane are passing you. MOVE OVER.

The only thing worse than not moving over? When they SPEED up when you try to pass them on the right. And all of this is perfectly legal. It really shouldn't be.

Conclusion: "Slower Traffic Stay Right" isn't JUST a suggestion.

Unleashing the Nerd

I got Transformers on Tuesday. Since then, I've viewed it an additional 2 times, something I'd like to note because between increasing must-see tv viewings and work getting heavier, popping in a DVD is becoming more difficult to get around to, let alone seeing more than once after purchasing. But I like the movie and notice something new every time I watch.

Last night, I actually honed in the on the mumbled jumble science speak over the intercepeted Decepticon signal and realized that hmm, I actually know the background behind what they're talking about. Now, if I was actually knew anything REAL about DSP, I'd probably had been all over it from the initial viewing, but I don't, so my repeat watching brought me newfound entertainment in seeing Super-hot science nerd pronounce "Fourier Transform" like so:


Reasonably, the lady is Australian and "four" IS probably pronouced as "few". For my personal amusement, I'm nexing that explanation and creating my own that hot actress had no idea what the hell she was talking about and mispronounced the basic terminology. Yay for dumb good-looking people.

The Nature of Dumb

Recently, Nick has discovered a new source of intense stupidity in the form of a co-worker who was hired a few months ago (I'll call her D.O.). Setting out on an audit with her and their supervisor last week, he was mildy amused at the level of incompetence she displayed completing the work. Nothing stunningly noteworthy aside from her inability to perform any (and I mean ANY) task without the supervisor explaining the process in full detail to her, followed by 10 minutes of blank staring, then another inquiry on what she was supposed to do again. Repeat scenario at least three times all the while D.O. is moaning "I'm so dumb and old. I can't do this!" (she's 30 and actually has a degree). So we're not talking endearing Forrest Gump stupidity where she tried her hardest despite her lack of smarts - lady had already thrown in the towel.

After the hour of explanation, D.O. then continued to amaze by NOT doing the work and just filling out the equivalent of "Incomplete" in 50% of the cells on the excel spreadsheet that she was in charged of filling out, therefore making the supervisor have to redo all the work for her. D.O. also had an intense fear of talking to the clients to retrieve information and had actually on a few occurrences handed them HER work and told them to fill it out for her.

So then it got better when Nick realized that despite only being at the company for a few months, out of the three auditing jobs D.O. was assigned, she already requested to be off from TWO. The reason? On her first job, a person was "mean and unsupportive" to her and the client was bad (a rather strong opinion seeing that this is her FIRST client). So she didn't want to work with either person or client again. Something that pretty much the entire office knew (including the H.R.) because D.O. was so dumb she broke the Newbie Hire Rule and could'nt keep her mouth shut about how unhappy she was working with people who'd been with the company for 5+ years.

So mean co-worker joined their audit yesterday and Nick finds that "unsupportive" translates to making D.O. do one spreadsheet out of the three they assigned her and admonishing her for asking the client to fill out her OWN form. Things got really great when Nick and mean co-worker walked in on D.O. complaining and whining to the supervisor about mean co-worker.

So mini question: What kind of stupid is more tolerable? The delusional type where someone thinks they're greater than they are? Or the fully-acknowledged type where they wallow in their sorrow and refuse to do anything because of their lackings?

First of all.

I took the leap and decided to create an entirely new blog separate from the one I've had for the past six years. My reasons:
1. Previous blog had crappy picture uploading capabilities.
2. The always dependable herd mentality. Everyone's doing it!
3. A newfound resolution to write actual entries and not just blurbs of the brief entertaining moments of my life.
4. A masochistic (and egotistical) need to post public evidence on just how much of a jackass I can be.

So pretty much, the little articles, links, pictures, and quotes I find so entertaining will continue to be delegated to Old blog. New blog will consist of repetitious, pretentious ramblings/rantings in the hopes that a moment of genuine profoundness may leak through (or at least a well-formed sentence). Unfortunately, chances are I'll just end up writing entries criticizing something that I'm actually doing in the entry itself. ("I hate it when friends complain about other friends!" "I hate haterz!" "Crazy bitches need to DIIEEEE!!!"). Oh well, if I dish it, might as well take it, too.


So, we (or I) begin.

I know in general, parents are always kinda nuts/weird no matter what. But recent events are continually convincing me that mine are miles beyond the bell curve of normal.

Evidence A:
A couple days ago, my mom described her first date with my dad when she was an undergraduate and he was a grad student at Taiwan University. Basically his plan was to take her to the local concert that he claimed he could get tickets for a good deal since he was a student.
So here's what happenend:
6:00 - My mom waits for him outside her place.
6:30 - My dad finally arrives. His reason for being late? Playing basketball with his buddies. My mom strangely takes it as a good thing that he's honest with her. I'm thinking he's just socially retarded.
6:45 - Head to the concert where my mom discovers that he DIDN'T buy the tickets like he said because he was too busy and forgot. My dad ruins his chance to make up for it by freaking out over the high cost of the scalper tickets and dragging my mom to a crowded restaurant instead.
7:00 - My mom already ate but my dad's starving so she she sits there drinking coffee while he eats - which, from my experience of sharing several meals with him, alone can be the gross out challenge of a Fear Factor episode. We're talking chewing with his mouth open, talking with his mouth full, slurping, food in his teeth, the works.
8:00 - The go to a lookout point where my dad proceeds to tell her that he's DATING SOMEONE. Again, my mom is weird and is okay with it - telling him she doesn't care because she hasn't even made up her mind if she liked him or not but she is worried about the girl because he doesn't seem to like her that much. My dad's really confused that my mom isn't pissed off.

Three days later, he breaks up with the girl and asks my mom on another date.

Final thoughts: I'm officially blaming all my social inappropriateness on my genetics.

The happy couple: