Things My Mom Says

I think the greatest thing about my parents having English as their second language is that whenever they cuss, I know they put a lot of thought into it and actually want my sister and I to overhear them. It's particularly apparent since they always emphasize a particular curse word while speaking. Just a little added "oomph" behind every "shit", "fuck", or "bitch", you know? So the following quote, just imagine this lovely lady...
stressing the "fu" sound behind her "fucks":

"While me and Hung are fighting and he tells me, 'fucks your mom!", and I say, 'Well, my mom is dead so you can just go and fucks her in hell!'"

She's a fiesty one...just don't think she entirely has the grasp on the proper way to insult.

"No Time for Talking."

So it's been five days since I stood in a Princess Diana themed living room and received a piece of paper that now lets Nick automatically have, without additional paperwork, some money if I happen to croak. Oh, and of course, I now have a cheaper health insurance plan. Woot.

So general details how it actually went down:
1. Amy got me my dress from eBay for $86. Highlight of the entire process. It was cheaper than my senior prom dress. Nice. Me and sissy:2. Saturday: hitched a ride with the family to Reno. Stopped by the courthouse for the license, perused the front for chapel brochures and chose the one that advertised $13.90.
3. Sunday: Got ready, got shackled in less than a minute, and got to witness my dad gorge himself at The Peppermill Buffet. Reference entry title to encapsulate his general mindset whenever there was food within 10 feet of him.


Some general comments on the immediate aftermath:
1. Nick gets admiring compliments on how quickly and painlessly he was able to accomplish everything. I'm currently on inquiry #23 on whether or not I have a bun in the oven. For the record, I am not pregnant.
2. My last name stays. Though "Kuojo" really was in serious (but not really) consideration. Ha. Still cracks me up.
3. Does every girl really fantasize about their dream wedding when they were young? Yeeeah. I wanted to be Batman's sidekick.

All in all. Not a big deal. Yaaaaaay.

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General Unpleasantness

If there's anything to exacerbate my predisposition to loathe Stephanie Meyer, discovering she based New Moon on a Blue October song really jump starts the vivid violent rage imagery. That and the new found assumption that being a fan of Muse originates from being a Twilight lover. Argh. Hate hate hate hate hate this particular pop culture phenomenon. I really do. That being said, I'll begrudgingly admit without the girly lameness, Vampire Diaries wouldn't be receiving its due and I wouldn't have the unofficial bragging rights to owning vintage copies of the series from the early 90s. Oh yeah, my pre-teen tendencies have been way ahead of the curve, bitches.

Anyone finding the whole Kanye-Taylor Swift thing to be more amusing than anger-inducing? I mean, when someone manages to out-douche themselves to such a public degree, you can't help but laugh in amazement. Plus, the resulting reactions from the blogosphere is like a neverending loop of celeb entertainment for weeks to come.

For example, Michael K holding up on his part:
"Gay Fish made the MTV VMAs all about him by breaking the heart of a toddler."
"Jon Gosselin is standing by to gladly hand over his used tampon tiara (made by Ed Hardy, of course) to Kanye West and crown him the new Douchebag of the Millennium."

Hachiko

My co-worker and I were discussing about how much it sucks when you have a very distinctive emotional response to something as a child but you can't remember the name of it. Pretty much, the only way you can rediscover it is by happenstance.

Lo and behold - Richard Gere is remaking Hachiko!


Hachiko was a Japanese film my parents happened to watch when I was REALLY young and all I could remember mainly was watching an adorable little dog waiting for his master by the train station. Eee. The homogenized white-washed remake will probably be craptacular but actually having official documentation on a fond memory (and being brought to tears) is kind of worth it. Yay.

Wiki Entry of the Actual original story: Squee

Dog video

Cause they are awesome

Wait For It

I've been watching a lot of HIMYM and last night's repeat viewing featured the "Oh" moment - when you find out one detail about a person that's going to be a deal breaker. Since I've never been on a date before, Barney's awesome profoundness isn't something that I can utilize on a regular basis but still blog-inspiring nonetheless. If I were to be conversing with a dude, what would be the thing that turns off all prospects of attraction to him?

Now, before commencing, some finer notes:
a) I'm only focusing on aesthetic attributes. Once I delve into personality stuff, then I'm taking hypothetical dating way too seriously and just adding unnecessary mileage past the overstepped boundary of "time to get a life".
b) Attributes have to be of the more subtle variety. No point in being a deal breaker when there's no chance of a deal being made. [i.e. excessive obesity, hairyness are NOT "oh" moment inducing].
c) Yes. I'm being shallow. I know. But if you actually knew me, I do have sporadic moments of depth and sincerity. I think.

So. A couple of attributes.
1. The Wonky Eye
Background
Wonky eyes can have a range: from the ultra-obvious lazy eye of Paris Hilton to the more subtle indirect single-eye contact variety of Robert Sean Leonard. Note, wonky eyes are different from crossed eyes since in the former case, one eye DOES focus on a target and in the latter, both are focused inwards no matter what.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Aside from going against the whole "people are prone to symmetrical faces" instinct, wonky eyes are just distracting. For one thing, they have the tendency to give off (or reveal) the appearance that a guy's only half-interested in what you have to say since his goofy eyeball is too distracted and will never focus on you. Plus, there's the perpetual dazed and confused look that you have to constantly deal with and the constant annoying question on why the two eyeballs just can't match. I mean, one eyeball lined up fine, what genetic purpose does it serve to have the other one stare off in another direction? So, cute guy and good actor RSL is, he's off the list.

2. The Snaggle Tooth
Background
Can also be referred to "Why I Can Never Lust on an English Musician". Granted, the picture of Steve doesn't really pose as a great example of a deal being made in the first place, but snaggle teeth can do a pretty decent job of remaining hidden. I just didn't have the stomach to do a google search and scan through the real extreme varieties just to find a more subtle example.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Snaggle teeth suck. Seriously, let's say I meet this totally cute, focused-eye fellow and I realize I've just hit the golden personality standard - same sense of humor. So I'm cracking up, he's cracking up and instead of focusing the joke on hand, all I can think about (with every jagged teeth-revealing guffaw) is why the hell he couldn't invest in a set of braces . When we grab a bite to eat, a little snide voice in my head tells me, let's hope he doesn't order the salad because the visual of a loose leaf getting caught on his errant canine is enough to make me lose my appetite. So, decreased enjoyment of comedy and food? Yeah, not going to work.