Wait For It

I've been watching a lot of HIMYM and last night's repeat viewing featured the "Oh" moment - when you find out one detail about a person that's going to be a deal breaker. Since I've never been on a date before, Barney's awesome profoundness isn't something that I can utilize on a regular basis but still blog-inspiring nonetheless. If I were to be conversing with a dude, what would be the thing that turns off all prospects of attraction to him?

Now, before commencing, some finer notes:
a) I'm only focusing on aesthetic attributes. Once I delve into personality stuff, then I'm taking hypothetical dating way too seriously and just adding unnecessary mileage past the overstepped boundary of "time to get a life".
b) Attributes have to be of the more subtle variety. No point in being a deal breaker when there's no chance of a deal being made. [i.e. excessive obesity, hairyness are NOT "oh" moment inducing].
c) Yes. I'm being shallow. I know. But if you actually knew me, I do have sporadic moments of depth and sincerity. I think.

So. A couple of attributes.
1. The Wonky Eye
Background
Wonky eyes can have a range: from the ultra-obvious lazy eye of Paris Hilton to the more subtle indirect single-eye contact variety of Robert Sean Leonard. Note, wonky eyes are different from crossed eyes since in the former case, one eye DOES focus on a target and in the latter, both are focused inwards no matter what.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Aside from going against the whole "people are prone to symmetrical faces" instinct, wonky eyes are just distracting. For one thing, they have the tendency to give off (or reveal) the appearance that a guy's only half-interested in what you have to say since his goofy eyeball is too distracted and will never focus on you. Plus, there's the perpetual dazed and confused look that you have to constantly deal with and the constant annoying question on why the two eyeballs just can't match. I mean, one eyeball lined up fine, what genetic purpose does it serve to have the other one stare off in another direction? So, cute guy and good actor RSL is, he's off the list.

2. The Snaggle Tooth
Background
Can also be referred to "Why I Can Never Lust on an English Musician". Granted, the picture of Steve doesn't really pose as a great example of a deal being made in the first place, but snaggle teeth can do a pretty decent job of remaining hidden. I just didn't have the stomach to do a google search and scan through the real extreme varieties just to find a more subtle example.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Snaggle teeth suck. Seriously, let's say I meet this totally cute, focused-eye fellow and I realize I've just hit the golden personality standard - same sense of humor. So I'm cracking up, he's cracking up and instead of focusing the joke on hand, all I can think about (with every jagged teeth-revealing guffaw) is why the hell he couldn't invest in a set of braces . When we grab a bite to eat, a little snide voice in my head tells me, let's hope he doesn't order the salad because the visual of a loose leaf getting caught on his errant canine is enough to make me lose my appetite. So, decreased enjoyment of comedy and food? Yeah, not going to work.

Star Trek

Fantastic (as expected). Fun, exciting, funny, great performances, blah blah blah. It's all been said and done. Even the new awkward lust I kind of have for Spock has been noted (EW.com beat me to the punch). Quinto was all kinds of hot even with the pointy ears, bizarre eyebrows, and bad bowl cut.
On the geek side, I now know what the hell people are talking about when discussing the terms: "Vulcan Nerve Pinch", "Red Shirt", and "Kobayashi Maru." I also spent a good 20 minutes explaining to Nick the difference between the original Star Trek and TNG. He thought Uhara was a female version of the guy from Reading Rainbows and Leonard Nimoy was actually Patrick Stewart and liked boobs a lot.


Just realized that the people who wrote Transformers also wrote Star Trek. Ha. Gotta admire my consistency.

X-men Weekend

Wolverine was as expected. Too much story, too many mutants, and ridiculously short, unimaginative fight sequences (i.e. Sabertooth charges on all fours when him and Wolverine get stabby with each other - fun seeing it the first time, a bit tiring the fourth time around). If you've seen the trailer, you've pretty much saw all the action (minus the final Weapon XI sequence, which was...okay). In addition, HOW many missed opportunities to kill William Stryker can the writers create? One comic book plot device I can always do without: the "I have the evil villain at my mercy but I won't kill him because I won't sink down to his level." Come ON.

Pros of the film: Better than X3 (not hard). Ryan Reynolds and Gambit appropriately chewed the scenery to my liking (though I'm extremely biased when it comes to those two). Hugh Jackman's still solid as Wolverine.


On a more positive note, X-men Animated Series DVDs finally came out (Thanks Gordon!), and the 10 years since I've caught the reruns on tv still hasn't marred the awesomeness in terms of viewing. It also reignited the anger feelings over how much they raped Rogue's characterization in the movies. Completely doing away with the Mystique-adoption/Ms. Marvel absorption storyline? Lame! LAAAAME! On the flip-side, watching the kid-oriented cartoon does make me appreciate the satisfaction of watching Wolverine actually STAB flesh and heal from his wounds in "real life". It's such a cop out watching him insist on stomping on Sabertooth just to satisfy the FCC. Yeah, that'll teach him.

Elvis has NOT Left the Building

The last I will say of the matter:
Saying "frak" in conversation is like having sex with your bra on. It serves its purpose in appeasing the FCC but loses all practicality in real life. So PLEASE STOP SAYING IT.


This weekend, I happened upon an enjoyable episode of TV. Of course, being me, it was a cartoon. Featuring teenagers. (cuing "OHHh Alice") A little Canadian gem called 6Teen.
General defensive response for viewing: My guilty addiction for teen TV is just made all the more better because the actors actually don't get old and I don't have to deal with the show jumping the shark when they go to college. Plus, it's funny. I enjoy funny.

Premise of episode: Nikki hangs out with with boyfriend Jonesy at his home and suddenly has stomach issues. Feeling the pressure of not being gross, she first attempts to use the downstairs bathroom (locked), then just bites the bullet and goes in the bathroom next to Jonesy's room, complete with gross-out farting sounds and pained expression that she just KNOWS he's hearing it all. More hilarity ensues involving the door opening, toilet clogging, water overflowing, Jonesy's freak out, etc. Plus another side plot of a guy farting to test his secret girlfriend's affection.

Hence, my enjoyment: It's the first time I've seen any form of media realistically show that girls have digestive issues and fart. And not in the "Battleshits" extremism ala Harold and Kumar; or the censored Sandra yelling really loudly from Two Weeks Notice. No, it's squishy, it's awkward, it's loud, and made even more embarrassing because boys like to believe that it shouldn't happen.

Overall, the show's pretty immature/tween-geared and I'm too fixated on fart humor. Even so, I definitely get some kind of weird pleasure watching females engage in equal-opportunity awkwardness. Just relate so well, I guess.

Relating

Liz Lemon: "I don't know, I'm still tired from that dinner. And meeting someone new? Ugh, all the nodding and smiling and sibling listing. What's the upside? It works, and you have to have a bunch of sex?"

Eagle!

Obsessive fan that I am, I actually muddled through a picspam featuring Logan. It's been three months since I've made a blog reference to him, so I'm indulging once again and putting up two personal favorites I found. Reason behind these choices: In fantasy Alice land, if I were to irritate the hell out of him (which I'm predisposed to in reality Alice land), at least I get to enjoy the sheer adorableness of the corresponding reactions.

Annoyed (hee):

or a hamming mockery:


New show watch: Better Off Ted
Snapshot: Easily the most creative, clever, humorous show I've seen since Arrest Development. Nick and I were super-bummed when it ended because we just wanted more. Mini-celebration for new appointment tv! Fingers crossed that the quirky humor translates to ratings. With my luck, it'll just be added to the increasing pile of "Brilliant but cancelled".

Sample quotable from the show:
"It's not targeting black people, it's ignoring them. The worst people can call it is indifferent."

Virals of the Day

An old time favorite...


Made even more amazing:

Watch Stewie the Grape Lady on CollegeHumor

I know there's the bemoaning that reality tv has taken over and we've scrapped the bottom in terms of entertainment. I heartily disagree and present this little blurb (courtesy of dlisted, again) as formal evidence that horrible tv has always existed - at least dating back to the 80s.

I mean, at least today, we get to see bitches like Megan Hauserman get the beat down on tv.

Worshipping the Temple of DirectTV

Swearing off outside work internet usage for 40 days means replacing one vice with another. This time, it's catching up with the contents of the DVR. Woot. Capsules of new shows:

1. Leverage on TNT
Premise: Timothy Hutton leads a team of con artists that include an actress (Gina Bellman), a guy who punches people (Christian Kane), a computer hacker (Aldis Hodge), and a thief (Beth Riesgraf). They steal from corrupt rich people. How's that for a byline?

Why I watched: Couldn't rent Hustle through my co-worker's Blockbuster online membership. Opted to try an American take on a heist series instead.

Expectations: Not high - since the glowing reviews quoted in the promos referenced Ocean's 12 and 13 as a means for lavish comparison. The fact that the reviewer had to distinguish the sequels from the original gave me the indication that the series may be fun, but not of the highest quality.

Review: Initially, a bit clunky with the victims (who the viewers are supposed to sympathize with for the team to help) being entirely over-wrought. Attempts at humor seemed a bit forced, but after a few episodes, the talented actors seemed to get a hang on their characters and really gelled, complete with great chemistry and LOL moments. The cons are really clever and entertaining (albeit typically TV-land plausible) where I actually can't see the twists coming. Acting wise, I now have a little girl crush on Beth Riesgraf. By the fantastic season finale, I'm absolutely hooked and looking forward to the next season for sure.


2. Dollhouse on FOX.
Premise: Joss Whedon's new series where a corporation known as Dollhouse implants personalities onto blank humans to be used by rich people for whatever means they want. Eliza Dushku plays a "doll" named Echo. Tahmoh Penikett of BSG fame(HOOOOT) is an FBI agent trying to find Dollhouse.

Why I watched: Buffy. Angel. Firefly. Doctor Horrible.

Expectations: Joss Whedon? Excruciatingly high. Though, I'm not as huge a fan of Eliza Dushku as other Whedonites are. Don't know if she has range beyond Badass Punchy Girl.

Review: After two episodes. Meh. The premise of Dollhouse so far just seems like a glorified whorehouse with a geek-edge to it. Basically, Weird Science 2.0. What really makes the series falter is that I don't care about Echo one bit or what happens to her. When she's in peril during her "engagements", there's absolutely no investment because I know she'll just have her memory erased and revert to a boring glossy-eyed child. Coming from Whedon, who's forte ARE his characters, having a series centered around one with, literally, zero personality of her own is just jarring. Acting wise, Eliza does a good job of angry woman but kind of just looks confused when she's emoting.

2008 Moments

How I Met Your Mother is a bit of That 70s Show rehash for me. Basically, a somewhat mainstream sitcom comedy who's horrendous laugh track is overcome by a hilarious, talented cast with great chemistry. (Surprisingly, the fact that 75% of That 70s Show cast turned out to be fame-whoring douchebags still doesn't make me laugh less over old reruns). Anyway, nothing pleases me more to discover EW paying montage to their favorite 2008 moments by utilizing the HIMYM cast.

The Office is No Longer Must See TV

This season (and a good portion of the last), the writers of The Office have made it clear that their task is to present newer alternatives to plot devices/character eccentricities that made Season 1 and 2 so great. Unfortunately, these upgraded versions aren't really that funny (or cute in some particular endeavors). Cases in point:

1. Dwight and Jim:
What had once been a comedic cornerstone of the show - Jim antagonizing Dwight - has now taken a backseat to the completely dull coupledom of Jim and Pam and the sporadically humorous love-triangle of Dwight-Andy-Angela. Nothing is more painful than watching the two male leads waste important minutes of screen time pining after their mutual mates. Where's the funny? Aside from the brilliant factually incorrect BSG monologue, Dwight and Jim's chemistry has been at an all time low. Bummer.

2. Pam 2.0:
Last week's episode clinched it. Pam is no longer likable. Gone is the plain-but-beautiful, shy, sensitive with a mean streak, humorous girl. In place is a borderline bitchy, clearly manipulative, overconfident, unfunny woman. Got to give the writer's some credit - they managed to illustrate rather accurately the real life occurrence among some women where upon snagging a man, the feeling of empowerment on finding a guy who likes them translates into an overall increase in confidence, which leads to outspoken behavior that isn't necessarily pleasant to witness. Some examples: a) the microwave incident; b) threatening Jim. Anyway, as realistic as it is, again, NOT FUNNY.

3. Michael's man-crush on Ryan: Bring it back!

4. Jim and Pam:
To quote Jess: "wah wahhh...zzzzzz." The romantic tension has officially left the building. While it's not necessary to break them up to keep things interesting, it would be nice if so much screen time wasn't focused on them playing-cute-that-isn't-very-cute-at-all. Yes, after two and a half season of "will they or won't they", it's happy times now that the two are together. But PLEASE stop cramming it down the viewers' throats. We get it - Jim is a nice guy and Pam is a lucky girl. What's next? (Maybe some Karen? Please?).

5. Kelly Kapoor: Not a huge complaint. But resorting to pregnancy and rape lies for humor - really?

Not that everything is all bad: a) Andy's character has come miles in terms of the obnoxious anger-management needing a-hole from season 3; b) The increase of Darryl from the warehouse is highly welcomed; and c) Holly and Michael geeky moments were awkwardly sweet. So while The Office hasn't necessarily jumped the shark to the extent that Heroes has (an entire rant post within itself), the moments of hilarity dispersed through this season have not been often or consistent enough to warrant a Thursday 9pm appointment with the couch.

Countdown to 24

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season Finale. Watch it.


And more goodies from Japan. Do you think the male model had any idea what his image was going to be utilized for?


My reaction to being another year older:

Watching Too Much TV Again

Yesterday, I completed the first season of Veronica Mars in 4 days with Ashley. It's been a while since I gave the good old swoon a work out. Therefore, today's entry will focus on an analysis of my favorite guilty-pleasure plot device: The meant-for-each-other-but-we-have-to-wait-several-episodes-(sometimes seasons)-to-get-together-couple.

So basically there's two ways to start off:
1. Girl dates (or dated) jerk, meant for nice guy. Examples: Jam, and Chuck and Sarah. Tried to get it going with Simone and Peter, but that just SUUUUuuuucked.
2. Girl dates nice guy, but meant for jerk who's actually a nice guy. Example: Buffy and Spike, Rory and Jess, most recently LoVe Boat (term coined courtesy of TWoP), and pretty much any Asian pop drama out there.

My personal favorite is choice number 2 (if done well - I dislike Asian Dramas). Unfortunately reality really sucks and most often the jerk always remains a jerk. No amazing transformation from asshole to whipped puppy just because he finds a girl he likes. Choice number 1 is more representative of true reality where all the single guys whine about why all the girls go for the assholes. Personal aside: as obnoxious as jerk behavior is, a fullgrown man PMSing is inifinitely worse.


Next phase in the all-encompassing lurve are the obstacles, usually consisting of (but not exclusive to):
1. Secondary love interest.
2. The ex.
3. Pregnancy.
4. Car accident/killer on the loose.

Which amazingly, the writers maintain for an extensive period of time before any resolution arrives. The long wait unfortunately means either: (1)by the time the two end up together, we're stuck with a lingering sense they actually might not last due to all the trauma they had to endure, (2) the actor portraying one of the characters leaves the show because there's only so much mooning one can take; or (3) the show gets cancelled without any resolution or a cheap tacked-on make out scene at the last second. Anyway, these things end up not being too great for my emotional well-being or my issues dealing with frustration, but I just can't help but get sucked in nonetheless.

Oh supercouples, what you do to me. Personal thanks to Ashley for getting me started again. Logan did think you were hot:

Dreams, Heroes, and Cuties

Last night I had an interesting dream. I was doing my usual thing of analyzing particular physical attributes of other people when randomly, someone pointed out I had really big armpits. I looked over, and lo and behold, I did have huge armpits. It seemed to make perfect sense in my dream, but in the real world, I wonder what that would actually look like. Is it POSSIBLE to have overlarge armpits? Profound hypothetical question of the day.

Last night was also the season finale of Heroes. Overall, I have to agree with Tim Kring's consensus that the writers definitely screwed up somewhat and this season was just pretty much a tease of what could had happened with no real satisfaction. Also, Maya screaming, "YOU KILLED MY BROTHA!!" instead of using her creepy eye mojo further reiterated the fact that her character has been the largest waste of screen time in the history of television. I still have hope for the third season, despite this one's lackings. Though Claire's blood bringing people back from the dead really feels like a cop out - now the writers have a nice go to whenever they want to bring back characters that ate it.

A few weeks ago, I came across the greatest about-me. I figured I'd post:
About Me
*hi* i'm 26 and a total cutie! *(^ ^)* i like to laugh and i love to eat cookies and ice cream - yum!! *(><)* heehee *^ ^* ummmm.... what else? oh yeah~ i'm aZn and i'm from sO kaLi and i luuuuuuuv my boyfriend! ~*(^ ^)*~ *teehee* huggleZ to every1~!! ------------ i didn't know what to write, but i used some exemplars from the "I'm cute" blogring.

The Spice Girls have started their tour. I was never a fan, but I can't pass up another flashy photoshop opportunity:

Celebrating

So, my birthday is tomorrow. My favorite scene was removed due to copyright infringement, but I figured this was just as good.

Watching Too Much TV

1. Favorite Plot Device: Normal Guy/Girl with Extraordinary Abilities/Circumstances. Normalness further retiterated with supporting cast of quirky characters berating him/her to retierate how normal his/her life is. Just as long the quirky characters don't chew TOO much scenery. Example: Chuck.

2. Least Favorite Plot Device: Love Triangles.
There's no quicker way to make a likeable character unlikeable than with a love triangle. Basically there's two variations:
a) one love interest is obviously more unlikeable than the other, which makes the person stuck in the middle a complete idiot for contemplating even staying with severely unlikeable love interest.
b) both love interestes are high likeable, which causes the viewers frustration because it's sad to see one of them left in the dust when things finally come to its conclusion. Also, makes the the finaly coupling seem less satisfying because all you can think about is what could had been if the other coupling had happened and what a jerk the person in the center was to have left them.

In addition, with all the angst going on over unrequited love, everyone's just acting too emo to actually look like they'd be any happier finally being in a relationship. It basically gets to the point where each person becomes the complete opposite of what initially attracted them to the other in the first place. Example: cheerful, adorable Hiro from Heroes is now mopey, knocked unconscious Hiro screwing up the space time continuum over a simpering girl.
Happy Hiro:

Sad Hiro:


This past weekend, I think I literally felt the burning sensation of my brain cells melting off as I read a Q&A section in People Magazine regarding Kim Kardashian's (who???) butt. My long term memory hates me now for taking up precious space with the newfound info that Kim's method for figuring if her butt is just big enough is by having a towel hang from it without sliding off. Curse you, selective hippocampus - where were you during my EE123 Exam?