Fashionista...not

Despite it being a good seven years since high school, I've realized that there are still two constants that have held solid for the mid 20s, working set with no kids (call me a yuppie and I'll punch you in the face).

Clothes and TV.

Seeing how I've been covering the latter ad nauseam since..well, forever, how about a little discussion on the former?

So. I like nice looking clothes. I'm just too cheap and lazy to explore beyond the confines of Target, my sister's closet, and my laptop. Scanning around my sample of friends from LA and SF, fashion tends to just blend together into a hodgepodge of leggings, ankle boots, Greek sandals, trench coats, short dresses, and/or long shirts. So picking out something individually for myself within the masses? Kind of hard.

What's easier? Laughing at really atrocious fashion. Ha. What better way to find it than the SALE link on various high end clothing stores? Sure, you could always go to whatever celeb fashion police site and cackle gloriously at whatever dlist atrocity decides to make an appearance, but I find it's more satisfying discovering something that was made with the intention of regular folk (with minorly above average income or no dependents) to actually purchase and be ridiculed in public.

So today's fashion no-nos come courtesy of a clothing site I actually like (kind of a reminder not to be a slave to brand names/stores because they all are capable of producing crap):

1) ModCloth:The Van Gogh Jumper

The cyclical nature of trends has a way of smacking me in the face in hindsight. I told myself that the unflattering tight capris from Grease could never make comeback, Cowboy boots were for rednecks, and sequins were too much of a little girl pageant throwback to ever be worn seriously by adults. Of course, I ended up wearing all three at one point or the other (yay hypocrite!). So, I could be wrong picking out this little ensemble right here, but if the day comes when I'm caught wearing a floral multiple muffin top and pumpkin thighs inducing jumper, feel free to kick my ass.


2) ModCloth: My Way or the High Waist Shorts
Understandably, the elastic tube top did wonders when it came to squishing boobs to non-existence, so I'm guessing the designer of these pants thought it'd be a great idea to apply the same concept to the uterus pooch every bloated female is cursed with. But really? No. Just no. Especially when contesting with the super attractive red imprints left behind on your gut at the end of the night. No.

I Swear, Jack

The new must-have accessory of the summer:
Screw body image issues. Give me a purse hat and my life is complete.

Image Consultation for Husband Seekers

1. Pull hair into androgynous rat-tail.
2. Don on wrestling shorts of dubious origins.
3. Strap on Guitar Hero controller. The more obscure and unnecessary the model, the better.
4. Borrow cankle-inducing boots from BFFF.
5. Prepare to beat off the men with a stick from the sheer overwhelming desirability emanating from your new look.

Caption Contests

One of my guilty pleasures is the "CAPTION THIS" contest on dlisted. Sure, 75% of the time, I'm resisting the urge to gag at whatever new NSFW image Michael K posts for the day, but every once in a while, some real gems shine through. My favorite one of the moment:
I'm always curious about the bizarre circumstances that lead to the moments like that.

Ditto to this one I've been seeing float around for a while. If anyone knows how it came to play, I'd really like to know. I'm assuming it was just some clever photoshop, but if it's legitimate, it's a crack up.

No explanation really needed for this picture. I'm just impressed at whoever managed to get the guy to not only pose like that, but sign off on the picture release. Modeling is weird.