Maintaining the Status Kuo

Switching gears again

2011-07-07T07:54:00.000-07:00

http://aricekroe.tumblr.com/

Figured it'd help with the pressure of not having to write essays every time.

Dad

2011-06-17T09:49:00.001-07:00

Tried out a gif-making website. Fun times:

Create avatar

$$$

2011-05-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

It's a well-known fact that loudly proclaiming the gigantic amount of money you spend typically elicits as much sympathy as a chick bemoaning the hardships of being pretty (and Gwyneth Paltrow wonders why people hate her).

Of course, as per my usual introductory disclaimer of obnoxious behavior in this blog, I do exactly what I claim I dislike. I wouldn't say the circumstances to foray into the territory of publicly announced annoying behavior are particularly extraordinary, but using the extremely dull bell-curve of my life of normalcy as a reference, I feel the need to document.

The Excuse: Recent viewing of my CC bill and the direct correlation it has to the past three weeks being more...eventful than others. On a less reasonable level, I also have developed an insane addiction to online Flash Sales and went nutso-reveling in Oregon's lack of sales tax on a recent trip. Those tallies, I'll leave out.

5/01/2011: Unexpectedly bring a new puppy home- yay! He's adorable and extremely well behaved though, so no biggie. Or so I think. His name is Koda.
5/07/2011: Punk kid slashing my tire at the movies: $111.00
5/14/2011: After two weeks of general normalcy in regards to raising three dogs, Thorne and Hiro decide it is time to shake things up and now fight constantly. Middle of the night ER visit: $479.00 (No worries, Thorne's recovered nicely).
5/18/2011: Dog Behaviorist quote: $1290 - he was nice enough to knock off $100 since I'm delivering him two dogs instead of one to fix. Joy. Brain-scratching kicker of the situation: both dogs get along great with the new one.

AD clip chow as an emotional indicator every time the cost of something was mentioned (and the general shenanigans prefacing said cost):

Total: $1880.00 ... and the month's not over yet.

Though, in comparison to the $7000 lawn and $1000 adoption/daycare/giardia-curing bill we paid when we first got Hiro, I guess this isn't so bad.

Next week: First time visiting NYC. Misbehaving dogs are under supervision of Nick's parents and my fingers are crossed that everything isn't a total nightmare.

Repeat shot of the wolf pack (My quest to figure out a way to photograph Koda where he doesn't look like a scary black silhouette continues..):

Disclaimer Disclaimer

2011-03-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

Hindsight readings of what I posted is always a continuous battle to push down the impulse to edit disclaimers in front of every entry, mostly of the defensive variety like, i.e. "I'm not really THAT judgmental and bitchy all the time. I like people, I really do!" <-- that's a popular one.

Reality is, I like the majority of people, extremely dislike a small minority of them, and get annoyed by all of them at one point of the other. Of course, the last point is more of a reflection of my lack of patience, adjustment, and understanding and I'd be incredibly stupid to always assume general intellectual superiority is what leads to my irritation.

You annoy me.

That being said, here are a couple cynical, grossly-simplified "About Me" translations of the day! Yaaaaay.

Common Assertion:"I'm trying to find myself."
Translation: "I'm self-centered to the point where I rationalize my impulsive, irresponsible actions into a statement of my deep profoundness pertaining..to me, of course."

Common Assertion:"I'm really sweet, but if you wrong me, I will be a total bitch."
Translation: "I'm insecure and boring to the point where I interpret my emotional immaturity as a character strength as opposed to what it really is...and I cause drama because it gives me attention."

Corgi puppies to diffuse the aura of crankyness preceding this statement:

Acting Pet Peeve

2010-11-18T10:23:00.000-08:00

Saw the trailer for Love and Other Drugs the other night. Anne Hathaway did the thing that just drives me crazy - bring her voice down to a husky whisper when she's issuing a monologue with a VERY IMPORTANT POINT. Call it the "Sarah Chalke dramatic acting" style, if you may. Can't pinpoint exactly what's so irritating about the delivery but seems to be the go to style for overly expressive loud actresses to inhibit when they're being serious. TALK IN YOUR NORMAL VOICE, DAMMIT. Being mopey and making your voice really small does not induce me to take you seriously.

Philosophical 24 hours

2010-10-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

First: Discussion on morality - innate or religious?
Morals Without God?

Next: The Free Will vs. Determinism debate

Yay Netflix. I've watched two movies that addressed the hypothetical situation where knowledge of the future was known (and identified as 100% full-proof) and the corresponding reaction of what society would be like.

So, the two movies: TiMER and Minority Report.

I was really intrigued that despite the two genres having extremely different stylistic takes and feels: 1)Indie Romantic Comedy; and 2)Blockbuster Action Conspiracy Thriller, there was quite the striking similarity at the beginning on how they presented the deterministic technology and the benefits.

A) Utilizing an advertising campaign to hawk the benefits of the deterministic technology:
1. TiMER: A implanted timer watch that countdowns to the day you will meet your true love based on the release and detection of some "love hormone". Knowledge of when you'll meet your true soulmate means a society of no more divorce or heartbreak.
2. Minority Report: Precognitive beings are able to pinpoint the exact time (with corresponding images to deduce the place) a murder will occur, including victim and perpetrator based on the detection of a "metaphysical tear" in the world. The difference from TiMER is that the murder is preventable while the soulmate-meeting is not. So now, we have a society where no one has been murdered for six years.

So you would think - dark futuristic sci-fi thriller directed by world renowned director OR fluffy romantic movie about finding true love: which would have a more realistic approach to the philosophical debate on the pros and cons of having to face the reality of a world without free will? Surprisingly, the latter.

It stinks when you discover your destiny and it is not aligned with what you want. In Minority Report, it's Tom Cruise having to find out he's a killer. In TiMER, it's Emma Caulfield finding out 15 minutes before the movie's conclusion that the guy she's been seeing the entire duration of the film (and adorably so) is not her soul mate, and instead, it's the guy that her stepsister has shown interest in (also adorably so).

So, moving forward, what did the screenwriters do for the above dilemmas (*spoiler alert*)?

Minority Report: Fill the entire story with convenient gaping plot holes (minority reports! They exist! But in his case it doesn't! But that doesn't matter!), flawed conspiracy theories, and an emotional (also plot hole-filled) back story for our hero as a stimulus that he DOES have free will and despite THERE BEING NO MURDERS FOR SIX YEARS the deterministic system must be immediately dismantled and it's a happy ending for all (try telling that to all the murdered people in the future)! Way to circumvent the philosophical debate and Philip K. Dick, screenwriters.

TiMER: Realize that the TiMERs are 100% infallible (as the precogs were before Tom Cruise conveniently had to get away with murder) and having Emma Caulfield break up with her cute boyfriend and start small-talking to her true soulmate at the end. Unsatisfying for the lack of squee-inducing conclusion expected from a romantic film? Yes. But realistic and thought-provoking (are the TiMERs really just self-fulfilling prophecies? Should she have broken up with Mikey?)? Also yes. I guess it's the big difference when you're independent and don't have to pander to a large audience wanting a pat happy ending despite agreeing to see a movie that devotes the first hour explaining how you have no control over your pretty sucky future.

Thematic take: it kind of sucks balls if you no longer have free will, though a lot of it is attributed to the response people have to knowing their destiny and acting accordingly, which in term brings up the debate on whether or not determinism is just an act of free will satisfying a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So while I completely entertained with Minority Report with it's awesome CG, neat futuristic tech, and well directed action sequences, for wanting to take on such a heavy though-provoking theme - it sucked, story wise. Which wouldn't be too bad if the dialogue didn't try SO HARD to convince you that it was thought out and smart. Cause it wasn't.

TiMER was totally fluffy and the "soul mate" premise a bit silly but I give kudos for not taking the easy way out.

Waxing Poetic

2010-10-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

Day before yesterday:
I come home to Nick watching an episode of VM because he felt like seeing something that he knew was good for sure as opposed to trying something new on the netflix stream.

Yesterday:
This time, I come home to him watching a documentary on how Steinways are made.

Not much, but it's the small stuff that I like to document and remember. Completely induces the best case of the warm and fuzzies.

Capsules

2010-09-13T07:42:00.001-07:00

We got Netflix last week. Unlimited streaming = movie marathons. A rundown:

1. Penelope: 3.5/5
Strangely, I found Christian Ricci more attractive with a pig nose. I think it proportions the rest of her abnormally large features and forehead. The movie was pretty cute but got a bit uneven once her character decided to venture out into the real world.

2. Ponyo: 4/5
Imaginative, gorgeous, and severely weird - expected Miyazaki. I thought the minimal storyline didn't really warrant the overload of imagery and fantastical events. It reminded me a bit of a Howl's Moving Castle and Totoro hybrid...but the sum wasn't as satisfying as the individual components.

3. The Pickup Artist: Incomplete
Couldn't get through it. 80s Robert Downey Jr. just doesn't compare with 90s/00s Downey. For one thing, the guy has obviously gotten his teeth fixed since his 20s.

4. Only You: 3.5/5
To make up for the disappointment of #3, I opted for RDJ 7 years later. Pretty charming adult romantic comedy. Marisa Tomei's ditziness got a bit overwhelming at points but...swooon over RDJ bending over backwards in love. Yep.

5. Dumb and Dumber: 5/5
Hilarity increased 100x upon realizing that Jeff Daniel is a doppleganger for my father-in-law. Especially when presented with the fact that Steve had the exact same hairstyle in the 70s.

6. Priceless: 5/5
Audrey Tatou delivers again. Fantastic French romantic comedy.

2010-08-24T09:03:00.000-07:00

Cool. Relationship advice I can finally get behind.
From the Daily Show

Another Taiwan Trip

2010-07-13T08:27:00.001-07:00

Out of everything I experienced, what probably amazed me the most were how advanced the techniques have gotten to make Asian eyes gigantic.

Holy Geez.

Abundance of crazy Asian parents somewhat explained?

2010-04-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

News Today:
Man stabs 28 kids at a kindergarten in China

To quote from the article:
"A survey of mental health in four Chinese provinces jointly done by Chinese and U.S. doctors that was published in the Lancet in June concluded that China likely had about 173 million adults nationwide with mental health disorders and that most, 158 million, had never gotten any professional help for their problems."

[Warning: Grossly simplified calculations/estimations]
Okay, so if the current average in China is 1.7 kids per adult Chinese woman in their life time, and the total Chinese population is 1.3 billion, I'm estimating China's non-adult population is ~0.6 billion. How so? Cue the following:

X = China's kid population
1.3 - X = China's adult population
(1.3-X)/2 = China's female adult population (generous estimate)

So [(1.3-X)/2]*1.7 + (1.3-X) = 1.3 (total) -- > ~0.6 billion kids/0.7 billion Chinese adults.

So, out of 700 million Chinese adults, 158 million (or 22.5%) have untreated mental problems. So, that's approximately a 1 in 5 chance that any Chinese person you meet is unwell but won't admit to it. Also..refer to title of this entry.

Not to strictly infer China is the only country full of crazies (honor killings, anyone?), or that my math inference is actually accurate (I'm pretty positive that the adult population is much larger). I do feel like there is something to be said about the negative effects of the cultural stigmatizing of admitting you need help for issues that aren't physically apparent. On the flip side though, you could get a situation like over here where anxious mothers over-diagnose and medicate their kids into submission whenever they exhibit any form of normal behavior that's deemed too overwhelming to handle. Oh, and a lot of emos. Ugh.

Anyway, a lot of generalizing and negative implications can be made, so I'll just take the cop-out route and say I'm just glad I ended up with the family I have :).

Last Avatar hater post (I swear)

2010-03-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

Quoted from Cracked:

Out of the millions upon millions of species that exist on Earth, there was only ever one intelligent bipedal primate: humanity. Finding a race of whatevers who look almost exactly like us plus a few extra eyes, some body paint and smoking hot bodies isn't just wishful thinking, it's plain stupid. And especially if you're an amazingly popular and powerful director with access to billions of dollars worth of cutting-edge CGI so there's literally no limit to the creatures you can come up with.

They could look like anything. Monkey-faced bar stools. Spleens with Care Bear icons for mouths. Anything! But why bother with all that originality business when you can come up with something that looks exactly like goddamn humans, albeit ones who have been dropped in a vat of blue dye and then undergone horrific plastic surgery to look more like cats.

Not content with this bit of biological plagiarism, James Cameron also applied the same "take two Earth animals and combine them" principle to every other creature on Pandora with equally absurd results.

Olympics (with links)!

2010-02-23T07:45:00.000-08:00

Taking cue from Ms. Pao:

Thank you EW for pointing this out:

Apparently, The theme from Requiem for a Dream is the new O Fortuna. Putting money on it appearing in the womens program at one point or the other.

Requiem:

O Fortuna:

Zing

2010-02-11T08:34:00.000-08:00

Nick: I see enough of your globbyness daily.
Me: If I were any other girl, you'd be in the doghouse.
Nick: If you were any other girl, I'd call you pretty.

(To be fair, I did instigate the conversation by lifting up my shirt and jiggling my belly to demonstrate my fullness.)

Musical Tourettes

2010-02-05T08:11:00.000-08:00

Lyrics permanently stuck in my head from two songs that pop up here and there (i.e: when I wake up, in the car, etc.) for as long as I can remember:

"I'm a loser, baby. So why don't you kill me." - Beck
"Stop right now. Thank you very much." -Spice Girls

I've never owned a Beck or Spice Girls album in my life, so WHY these particular lines stick out of the multitude of catchy music I've heard is a bit of a mystery. Though, I'm pretty sure the Beck song is there because I have yet to find anything else that paraphrases/expresses my awkwardness so well. Spice Girls - I'm at a loss.

The piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile

2009-12-18T14:44:00.000-08:00

"I’m a sucker for strings and lyrics, and broken-hearted love songs. This one gets props for all three"

So imagining a mash up with The Scientist and Dreams.

Brain Vomit

2009-12-10T07:49:00.000-08:00

Waking up so early in the mornings, I'm finding that general sleepiness, overall incoherence, and a desire to not program at the butt crack of dawn often leads to a disturbing lack of inhibition. Or mainly, a state of sober semi-drunkenness where I think I've come up with something interesting/meaningful that has to be stated and receive insulting but accurate (upon post-morning ruminating) replies from my BFFs. The brain races and continually smashes into a brick wall, I guess. Ah. Awkwardness. Embrace it.

Nice Guy Syndrome

2009-11-20T22:03:00.001-08:00

[From Urban Dictionary]
An annoying mental condition in which a heterosexual man concocts over simplified ideas why women aren’t flocking to him in droves. Typically this male will whine and complain about how women never want to date them because he is “too nice” or that he is average in appearance. He often targets a woman who is already in a relationship; misrepresenting his intentions of wanting to be her friend and having the expectation that he is owed more than friendship because he is such a good listener. He is prone to brooding over this and passive aggressive behavior.

Fashionista...not

2009-11-09T19:40:00.001-08:00

Despite it being a good seven years since high school, I've realized that there are still two constants that have held solid for the mid 20s, working set with no kids (call me a yuppie and I'll punch you in the face).

Clothes and TV.

Seeing how I've been covering the latter ad nauseam since..well, forever, how about a little discussion on the former?

So. I like nice looking clothes. I'm just too cheap and lazy to explore beyond the confines of Target, my sister's closet, and my laptop. Scanning around my sample of friends from LA and SF, fashion tends to just blend together into a hodgepodge of leggings, ankle boots, Greek sandals, trench coats, short dresses, and/or long shirts. So picking out something individually for myself within the masses? Kind of hard.

What's easier? Laughing at really atrocious fashion. Ha. What better way to find it than the SALE link on various high end clothing stores? Sure, you could always go to whatever celeb fashion police site and cackle gloriously at whatever dlist atrocity decides to make an appearance, but I find it's more satisfying discovering something that was made with the intention of regular folk (with minorly above average income or no dependents) to actually purchase and be ridiculed in public.

So today's fashion no-nos come courtesy of a clothing site I actually like (kind of a reminder not to be a slave to brand names/stores because they all are capable of producing crap):

1) ModCloth:The Van Gogh Jumper

The cyclical nature of trends has a way of smacking me in the face in hindsight. I told myself that the unflattering tight capris from Grease could never make comeback, Cowboy boots were for rednecks, and sequins were too much of a little girl pageant throwback to ever be worn seriously by adults. Of course, I ended up wearing all three at one point or the other (yay hypocrite!). So, I could be wrong picking out this little ensemble right here, but if the day comes when I'm caught wearing a floral multiple muffin top and pumpkin thighs inducing jumper, feel free to kick my ass.

2) ModCloth: My Way or the High Waist Shorts
Understandably, the elastic tube top did wonders when it came to squishing boobs to non-existence, so I'm guessing the designer of these pants thought it'd be a great idea to apply the same concept to the uterus pooch every bloated female is cursed with. But really? No. Just no. Especially when contesting with the super attractive red imprints left behind on your gut at the end of the night. No.

Songs Currently Stuck In My Head (aka boring MV post)

2009-10-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

Ludo - Love Me Dead

Great Northern - Houses

Things My Mom Says

2009-10-02T07:28:00.000-07:00

I think the greatest thing about my parents having English as their second language is that whenever they cuss, I know they put a lot of thought into it and actually want my sister and I to overhear them. It's particularly apparent since they always emphasize a particular curse word while speaking. Just a little added "oomph" behind every "shit", "fuck", or "bitch", you know? So the following quote, just imagine this lovely lady...
stressing the "fu" sound behind her "fucks":

"While me and Hung are fighting and he tells me, 'fucks your mom!", and I say, 'Well, my mom is dead so you can just go and fucks her in hell!'"

She's a fiesty one...just don't think she entirely has the grasp on the proper way to insult.

"No Time for Talking."

2009-09-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

So it's been five days since I stood in a Princess Diana themed living room and received a piece of paper that now lets Nick automatically have, without additional paperwork, some money if I happen to croak. Oh, and of course, I now have a cheaper health insurance plan. Woot.

So general details how it actually went down:
1. Amy got me my dress from eBay for $86. Highlight of the entire process. It was cheaper than my senior prom dress. Nice. Me and sissy:2. Saturday: hitched a ride with the family to Reno. Stopped by the courthouse for the license, perused the front for chapel brochures and chose the one that advertised $13.90.
3. Sunday: Got ready, got shackled in less than a minute, and got to witness my dad gorge himself at The Peppermill Buffet. Reference entry title to encapsulate his general mindset whenever there was food within 10 feet of him.

Some general comments on the immediate aftermath:
1. Nick gets admiring compliments on how quickly and painlessly he was able to accomplish everything. I'm currently on inquiry #23 on whether or not I have a bun in the oven. For the record, I am not pregnant.
2. My last name stays. Though "Kuojo" really was in serious (but not really) consideration. Ha. Still cracks me up.
3. Does every girl really fantasize about their dream wedding when they were young? Yeeeah. I wanted to be Batman's sidekick.

All in all. Not a big deal. Yaaaaaay.

New Favorite Commercial

2009-09-17T10:14:00.001-07:00

See more funny videos and Music Videos at Today's Big Thing.

General Unpleasantness

2009-09-14T08:18:00.001-07:00

If there's anything to exacerbate my predisposition to loathe Stephanie Meyer, discovering she based New Moon on a Blue October song really jump starts the vivid violent rage imagery. That and the new found assumption that being a fan of Muse originates from being a Twilight lover. Argh. Hate hate hate hate hate this particular pop culture phenomenon. I really do. That being said, I'll begrudgingly admit without the girly lameness, Vampire Diaries wouldn't be receiving its due and I wouldn't have the unofficial bragging rights to owning vintage copies of the series from the early 90s. Oh yeah, my pre-teen tendencies have been way ahead of the curve, bitches.

Anyone finding the whole Kanye-Taylor Swift thing to be more amusing than anger-inducing? I mean, when someone manages to out-douche themselves to such a public degree, you can't help but laugh in amazement. Plus, the resulting reactions from the blogosphere is like a neverending loop of celeb entertainment for weeks to come.

For example, Michael K holding up on his part:
"Gay Fish made the MTV VMAs all about him by breaking the heart of a toddler."
"Jon Gosselin is standing by to gladly hand over his used tampon tiara (made by Ed Hardy, of course) to Kanye West and crown him the new Douchebag of the Millennium."

Hachiko

2009-07-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

My co-worker and I were discussing about how much it sucks when you have a very distinctive emotional response to something as a child but you can't remember the name of it. Pretty much, the only way you can rediscover it is by happenstance.

Lo and behold - Richard Gere is remaking Hachiko!

Hachiko was a Japanese film my parents happened to watch when I was REALLY young and all I could remember mainly was watching an adorable little dog waiting for his master by the train station. Eee. The homogenized white-washed remake will probably be craptacular but actually having official documentation on a fond memory (and being brought to tears) is kind of worth it. Yay.

Wiki Entry of the Actual original story: Squee

Dog video

2009-07-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Cause they are awesome

Wait For It

2009-07-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a lot of HIMYM and last night's repeat viewing featured the "Oh" moment - when you find out one detail about a person that's going to be a deal breaker. Since I've never been on a date before, Barney's awesome profoundness isn't something that I can utilize on a regular basis but still blog-inspiring nonetheless. If I were to be conversing with a dude, what would be the thing that turns off all prospects of attraction to him?

Now, before commencing, some finer notes:
a) I'm only focusing on aesthetic attributes. Once I delve into personality stuff, then I'm taking hypothetical dating way too seriously and just adding unnecessary mileage past the overstepped boundary of "time to get a life".
b) Attributes have to be of the more subtle variety. No point in being a deal breaker when there's no chance of a deal being made. [i.e. excessive obesity, hairyness are NOT "oh" moment inducing].
c) Yes. I'm being shallow. I know. But if you actually knew me, I do have sporadic moments of depth and sincerity. I think.

So. A couple of attributes.
1. The Wonky Eye
Background
Wonky eyes can have a range: from the ultra-obvious lazy eye of Paris Hilton to the more subtle indirect single-eye contact variety of Robert Sean Leonard. Note, wonky eyes are different from crossed eyes since in the former case, one eye DOES focus on a target and in the latter, both are focused inwards no matter what.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Aside from going against the whole "people are prone to symmetrical faces" instinct, wonky eyes are just distracting. For one thing, they have the tendency to give off (or reveal) the appearance that a guy's only half-interested in what you have to say since his goofy eyeball is too distracted and will never focus on you. Plus, there's the perpetual dazed and confused look that you have to constantly deal with and the constant annoying question on why the two eyeballs just can't match. I mean, one eyeball lined up fine, what genetic purpose does it serve to have the other one stare off in another direction? So, cute guy and good actor RSL is, he's off the list.

2. The Snaggle Tooth
Background
Can also be referred to "Why I Can Never Lust on an English Musician". Granted, the picture of Steve doesn't really pose as a great example of a deal being made in the first place, but snaggle teeth can do a pretty decent job of remaining hidden. I just didn't have the stomach to do a google search and scan through the real extreme varieties just to find a more subtle example.

Reason behind the Oh Moment
Snaggle teeth suck. Seriously, let's say I meet this totally cute, focused-eye fellow and I realize I've just hit the golden personality standard - same sense of humor. So I'm cracking up, he's cracking up and instead of focusing the joke on hand, all I can think about (with every jagged teeth-revealing guffaw) is why the hell he couldn't invest in a set of braces . When we grab a bite to eat, a little snide voice in my head tells me, let's hope he doesn't order the salad because the visual of a loose leaf getting caught on his errant canine is enough to make me lose my appetite. So, decreased enjoyment of comedy and food? Yeah, not going to work.

Goal of the Day

2009-06-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

Is to attempt a video-less entry. There's only so many times I can supplement my uninteresting nature with goofy links from Michael K or Funnyordie. People will start to notice the pattern.

So. How about a formal introduction? My new roomie Andrew from South Carolina:

He's interning at the lab this summer and is a pretty fun guy. For one thing, he allows me to pay photoshop homage to his mad skills of impersonating the Beastie Boys.

And another - he teaches me awesome dance moves. This one is called "The Stick":

Our current living situation wouldn't have come to fruition if he hadn't met this charmer of a guy:

That's Dave. He let's me pay creepy homage to his love for Miley Cyrus:

He and Andrew met last summer when they were both interns at the lab. They have pretty good chemistry and enjoy bonding over their mutual affection for striped collared shirts and mimicked katana fights:

After a chance severely awkward meeting with Ashley on BART, the rest is year-old history. Unfortunately, Dave couldn't return this summer and Ashley's at law school, so I'm pretty much left to my own personal devices to keep Andrew entertained. Future updates on how that comes along. So far, two weeks in, it hasn't been too bad. No "So...do they do the Charleston in Charleston? Hardy har har." moments yet. Score one for me.

Total Eclipse of the Heart

2009-06-01T11:34:00.001-07:00

I should just have a direct feed into dlisted and just pawn it off as my own. Clip of the day = Hilarity.

Terms I learned this weekend that I should have known but just didn't catch:
1. If You Seek Amy
2. Booty Do.

Cool Beans

2009-05-28T07:08:00.001-07:00

Funny Hotties Entry

2009-05-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

I recently perused an album dedicated to a guy's obsession with girls that curled their hair. It was..interesting? Can't snark too much on it since I was the lame-o actually bored enough to go through it. Anyway, whatever gets him off, I guess.

Which segues into my personal obsession (yes, another). Mainly, super hot actors posting hilarious videos on funny or die. Or more precisely, super hot Ryan Reynolds and James Franco posting anything online.

First: Ryan's Huffington Post Blog

Second:

Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds: Behind the Scenes of The Proposal from Betty White

Third:

The Hills with James Franco and Mila Kunis from James Franco

Star Trek

2009-05-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

Fantastic (as expected). Fun, exciting, funny, great performances, blah blah blah. It's all been said and done. Even the new awkward lust I kind of have for Spock has been noted (EW.com beat me to the punch). Quinto was all kinds of hot even with the pointy ears, bizarre eyebrows, and bad bowl cut.
On the geek side, I now know what the hell people are talking about when discussing the terms: "Vulcan Nerve Pinch", "Red Shirt", and "Kobayashi Maru." I also spent a good 20 minutes explaining to Nick the difference between the original Star Trek and TNG. He thought Uhara was a female version of the guy from Reading Rainbows and Leonard Nimoy was actually Patrick Stewart and liked boobs a lot.

Just realized that the people who wrote Transformers also wrote Star Trek. Ha. Gotta admire my consistency.

Miss Pole Dance World 2009

2009-05-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

Is Amazing.

X-men Weekend

2009-05-04T07:09:00.001-07:00

Wolverine was as expected. Too much story, too many mutants, and ridiculously short, unimaginative fight sequences (i.e. Sabertooth charges on all fours when him and Wolverine get stabby with each other - fun seeing it the first time, a bit tiring the fourth time around). If you've seen the trailer, you've pretty much saw all the action (minus the final Weapon XI sequence, which was...okay). In addition, HOW many missed opportunities to kill William Stryker can the writers create? One comic book plot device I can always do without: the "I have the evil villain at my mercy but I won't kill him because I won't sink down to his level." Come ON.

Pros of the film: Better than X3 (not hard). Ryan Reynolds and Gambit appropriately chewed the scenery to my liking (though I'm extremely biased when it comes to those two). Hugh Jackman's still solid as Wolverine.

On a more positive note, X-men Animated Series DVDs finally came out (Thanks Gordon!), and the 10 years since I've caught the reruns on tv still hasn't marred the awesomeness in terms of viewing. It also reignited the anger feelings over how much they raped Rogue's characterization in the movies. Completely doing away with the Mystique-adoption/Ms. Marvel absorption storyline? Lame! LAAAAME! On the flip-side, watching the kid-oriented cartoon does make me appreciate the satisfaction of watching Wolverine actually STAB flesh and heal from his wounds in "real life". It's such a cop out watching him insist on stomping on Sabertooth just to satisfy the FCC. Yeah, that'll teach him.

Gene Spa or Why I'll Never Work Out in Public

2009-04-30T08:12:00.001-07:00

Review- My dad's face pain face:
My pain face (and sharp non-pigment contrast):

Anecdote Behind the Dad Picture Search

With my new recent foray into attempted ripness, I can't help but be concerned that out of the severe multitude of traits I've inherited from my father (i.e. the above and all dorky awkwardness), his approach to exercising is one I can do without.

Now, my dad's pretty good at being active. He goes on hikes, walks, swims, plays tennis in the morning, all that good stuff. Of course, being my dad and not giving two craps about what people think, he always proceeds to do it with whatever second-hand 10 year old clothing choice my mother picks out for him. Case in point, the gigantic Fob visor complete with embroidered fancy flower print. Or the super tight Speedo swim shorts with neon blue striping. In general, mildly embarrassing, but still falls under the "what parents usually come up with to mortify their oversensitive children" category.

The cause for worry typically comes around when he suddenly comes up with some newfangled "routine" all on his own that will get him his daily dose of cardio and strength training. I've heard it's pretty common around Asian men my dad's generation to harbor a ridiculous stubborn streak, so the conviction that he has that some random technique he comes up with will work? There's no way of breaking it. Including taking my 5 lb. dumbbells and flailing around in all directions while watching his NCAA game. Nick tells me I need to go into stealth mode and steal them away from him to preserve his dignity. But where's the fun in that?

Sample Dad Quote: "I'm working out my arms, Alice! Look how good I am!" (General cockiness apparently goes hand in hand with the stubbornness).
Me: "You're not doing it right, dad. You need to keep your upper arm still."
Default response to any criticism: "This is the engineer way!"

As amusing as that is, the tipping point of full blown genetic panic actually occurred during the winter time a few years back, when my dad's intense fear of catching a cold meant finding an alternative to his freezing walks. So, brilliant mind he is, he decided, what better exercise is there than performing "laps" in the 5-ft diameter spa? Of course, this meant that every morning while eating breakfast, I was privy to the scene of him splashing furiously with his arms and feet, complete with intense goggle induced muffin top hair bobbing action. Basically, for a period of one month, he was our personal mini tidal-wave creating machine in the backyard. An ongoing game I had with my mom was guessing how low the water level would be after my dad was done with his moving-but-not-really spazzing routine. Thankfully, this particular display of the engineering way, though impermeable to continuous fat jokes from smart-ass family members, was no match for the balance of the water heating bill. Frugality beats Stubbornness on most days, I guess. Now to figure out a way to convince him using 5 lbs weights is bad for his wallet.

Epic Fail

2009-04-22T06:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of P90X. The basic breakdown of activity:

40% spastic jerking. I'm too busy staring at the tv, trying to match my uncoordinated limbs to what Pam the Blam is doing and failing miserably. How are you supposed to keep your eye on the target and see what's going on at the same time? Focus on form, my ass.

40% flailing and collapsing. My bunny hop was basically a panting Grapevine shuffle. The superman pose translated to my personal interpretation of a human Twinkie (I'd say log, but even wood is probably in better shape than I am now). Lending further hand to the indignity of my soft, mushy unathleticism was the fact that with every face plant I endured from a failed push-up, I got the added bonus of being covered from head to toe in dog hair. Time to vacuum.

10% gawking. I don't care what the infomercial says. There is NO WAY in hell I'm ever going to get around to doing a Chattanooga running push up.

I knew I was in for trouble when my butt started hurting all sorts of severe during the basic warm up. To think, I was haranguing myself for failing to steal back my weights from my dad. Ha. What a joke.

Results: arms and legs are pretty sore today. I can only imagine what it'd be like if I actually did the recommended number of reps (correctly).

Whoo Sharks!

[edit] Jess kindly noted that I've lost all ability to count to 100. I blame it on lactic buildup around my brain.

Heat Wave in April

2009-04-20T09:09:00.001-07:00

Has gotten me waxing nostalgic over last summer. Capitola was a lot of fun.

At the moment I'm suffering from a mid-20s crisis. I blame it on the Sharks blowing it.

Shallow...

2009-04-17T07:13:00.000-07:00

...but, Rupert Everett, WHY?

Baby elephant tears are threatening to shed over loss of English adorableness

Setting Myself Up For Failure

2009-04-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

Nick recently ordered the P90X Workout DVDs that are supposed to be some at-home boot camp. They're currently on their way and I'm going to give them a shot. Below is a photoshopped image of what I'm expecting to turn out at the end of 90 days. The ceiling eyes come with the package, of course...and the apologies for the induced nightmares.

All kidding aside, it would be pretty cool if this thing turns out to really work. To motivate (or embarrass) myself some more, I figured I'd take the opportunity and use good ol' blogland to document my process. Still pumping myself up towards taking the Day One "before" pic. Ugh. In the mean time, another exaggerated photoshop to take it's place:

Elvis has NOT Left the Building

2009-04-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

The last I will say of the matter:
Saying "frak" in conversation is like having sex with your bra on. It serves its purpose in appeasing the FCC but loses all practicality in real life. So PLEASE STOP SAYING IT.

This weekend, I happened upon an enjoyable episode of TV. Of course, being me, it was a cartoon. Featuring teenagers. (cuing "OHHh Alice") A little Canadian gem called 6Teen.
General defensive response for viewing: My guilty addiction for teen TV is just made all the more better because the actors actually don't get old and I don't have to deal with the show jumping the shark when they go to college. Plus, it's funny. I enjoy funny.

Premise of episode: Nikki hangs out with with boyfriend Jonesy at his home and suddenly has stomach issues. Feeling the pressure of not being gross, she first attempts to use the downstairs bathroom (locked), then just bites the bullet and goes in the bathroom next to Jonesy's room, complete with gross-out farting sounds and pained expression that she just KNOWS he's hearing it all. More hilarity ensues involving the door opening, toilet clogging, water overflowing, Jonesy's freak out, etc. Plus another side plot of a guy farting to test his secret girlfriend's affection.

Hence, my enjoyment: It's the first time I've seen any form of media realistically show that girls have digestive issues and fart. And not in the "Battleshits" extremism ala Harold and Kumar; or the censored Sandra yelling really loudly from Two Weeks Notice. No, it's squishy, it's awkward, it's loud, and made even more embarrassing because boys like to believe that it shouldn't happen.

Overall, the show's pretty immature/tween-geared and I'm too fixated on fart humor. Even so, I definitely get some kind of weird pleasure watching females engage in equal-opportunity awkwardness. Just relate so well, I guess.

Will You Please Take Me To The Restroom?

2009-04-09T07:02:00.000-07:00

Another quotable (for whenever I'm feeling particularly dull and uninteresting) courtesy of Ghost Town:
"We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. May be only to us, but it matters."

If I were to be really honest, I could just morph the above as another poorly rationalized reason to be more into myself because, goddammit, I matter. Even if no one cares. Ha. How convenient.

Last week, my co-worker asked me what "opt" meant in an e-mail he received from a colleague. The three letters appeared familiar to me (in terms of I knew they appeared in another e-mail before), so I assumed that they were part of a work-related acronym. Professional person that I am, I went to the handy dandy always accurate source of Urban Dictionary and in all seriousness, told my co-worker it meant "Oriental Person Time". Smooth. Turns out, it was "opt" as in "choose", and I was confusing "OPT" with "PTO". Acronyms really blow.

Don't Be Afraid If You Hear Voices

2009-04-06T06:49:00.000-07:00

Every three to six months the black fuzzy outgrowth on my upper lip hits the right level of distracting in the car mirror and I decide it's time to wage another battle on my mustache. Of course, whatever attempt I do to make myself slightly more feminine becomes a moot point when unbecoming peach fuzz is replaced by either: A)gigantic red welts from waxing/threading; or B)gleaming pink blisters along my lip line courtesy of the Nair Corporation. Last night, I opted for option B. The point of this paragraph? Not much really, except that I now look like I mistook my curling iron for lip liner and it's therapeutic to acknowledge it formally.

Jess came up this weekend (yay), which translated to my quarterly allotment of having a life and being more interesting than normal (aka not much). Between attempts at Gossip Girl marathoning and the typical GH rounds, we've managed to squeeze in a trip to SF and eat delicious dinner at Butterfly on Pier 33. General highlights of the evening:

1. Poster girls for "Beware the MyFace Angles": After the initial confusion as to why a group of mildly over-aged/weight women were dressed up in extremely under-age/sized clothing with beauty pageant sashes (Mrs. America contest was brought up as a potential explanation but nixed quickly), drunken shrieking cued us in that one lovely individual was getting married very soon. The two stall bathroom at the restaurant, unfortunately, meant that odds were against us in terms avoiding the crossfire of champagne infused estrogen overloading hysteria. My first trip to the restroom, I was privy to an improvised performance for the restaurant staff of "Yankee Doodle" which included plenty of jiggling and clapping. ("Party in the haallway. Doo Da. Doo Da.") A second trip meant that Jess and I are now officially in the know that Girl XXX has been cheating on her husband with Guy XXX and that is SO WRONG. And a blue Jessica McClintock is THE BEST prom dress ever paired with half strap/half shoe silver shoes. Especially when compared to the slutty stuff teenagers are wearing today. (Their misquoted words, not mine).

2. What Personal Hygeine? Stupidly, I decided that it was a great idea to be all "fashion over comfort" for once and don on incredibly blister-inducing heels. Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and opted to walk in my bare feet along the Embarcadero. My nostalgia for our Japan trip increased tenfold with the heightened awareness of the copious amounts of spit on city sidewalks.

3. Dessert Had my first beignet ever. Oh. My. God. Mentally kowtowing to Jess's cousin Liz as of this moment for hooking it up. Anyone who actually knows how to make them - be my friend please?

Relating

2009-03-22T14:34:00.001-07:00

Liz Lemon: "I don't know, I'm still tired from that dinner. And meeting someone new? Ugh, all the nodding and smiling and sibling listing. What's the upside? It works, and you have to have a bunch of sex?"

Mash Ups

2009-03-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Wall-E doing the Watchmen trailer:

Seether covering Wham!

and just cause it wasn't in the actual album:

Eagle!

2009-03-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

Obsessive fan that I am, I actually muddled through a picspam featuring Logan. It's been three months since I've made a blog reference to him, so I'm indulging once again and putting up two personal favorites I found. Reason behind these choices: In fantasy Alice land, if I were to irritate the hell out of him (which I'm predisposed to in reality Alice land), at least I get to enjoy the sheer adorableness of the corresponding reactions.

Annoyed (hee):

or a hamming mockery:

New show watch: Better Off Ted
Snapshot: Easily the most creative, clever, humorous show I've seen since Arrest Development. Nick and I were super-bummed when it ended because we just wanted more. Mini-celebration for new appointment tv! Fingers crossed that the quirky humor translates to ratings. With my luck, it'll just be added to the increasing pile of "Brilliant but cancelled".

Sample quotable from the show:
"It's not targeting black people, it's ignoring them. The worst people can call it is indifferent."

Hmm

2009-03-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

Update on the dead body

Diaper Chicken

2009-03-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, the street next to our place was barricaded off and there were tons of cop cars and official looking thingamajigs there for the entire time. Nick assumed it might have been a drug bust (Livermorons tend to get bored) and I just didn't think to much of it.

What it turned out to be.

Heh. On the plus side, my usual callousness meant that instead of being overly concerned about our safety, my focus was on the potential ramifications this incident could cause to the property value. I'm assuming it's a domestic incident, anyway.

This past weekend, I also saw Watchmen.
Instead of adding one summarizing review to the multitudes out there (my opinion basically matches with the RT consensus), I figured I'd just pinpoint moments I noticed.

1. Rorschach going stealth mode on Veidt. The little drop-to-hang-to-drop move was just really fluid looking with no jarring edits or floaty wire work. It was one little action moment out of several cool ones (props to Snyder), but I just enjoyed it in particular.

2. Matthew Goode CANNOT do an American accent. It really was a strange experience listening to him switch back and forth.

3. Jackie Earl Haley is a bit of a badass.

Virals of the Day

2009-03-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

An old time favorite...

Made even more amazing:

Watch Stewie the Grape Lady on CollegeHumor

I know there's the bemoaning that reality tv has taken over and we've scrapped the bottom in terms of entertainment. I heartily disagree and present this little blurb (courtesy of dlisted, again) as formal evidence that horrible tv has always existed - at least dating back to the 80s.

I mean, at least today, we get to see bitches like Megan Hauserman get the beat down on tv.

I Swear, Jack

2009-03-04T10:23:00.000-08:00

The new must-have accessory of the summer:
Screw body image issues. Give me a purse hat and my life is complete.

Muffin Top Inducers

2009-03-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

Trader Joe's is evil. All the organic, natural hullabaloo about their food equates to me unabashedly grabbing anything from the aisles that looks mildly appetizing. This is correspondingly followed by the very attractive display of me gorging myself for hours in front of the tv because I. Can't. Resist. The Tastiness.

Yesterday, I took the liberty of actually checking the nutritional information of my favorites. I now hate myself..and I still can't stop eating.

Reasons why I can't join Amy and Jess on their non-sweets Lent journey:
1. Candy Cane Joe Joe's
Imagine Oreos with the cloying artificial sweetness in the cream replaced by finally ground pepperminty goodness. Now imagine them on sale for 50 cents per box because TJ's is getting rid of their Christmas overstock. Ohhhhh yum.

2. Mini Peanut Butter Cups
So aside from the smoother texture and the mellower chocolate versus the Reese's counterpart, the tiny bite sizes is where the sugar addiction downfall occurs. Normally, the overwhelming richness of regular/mini peanut butter cups makes it so I can just stick with one (or two, who am I kidding?). But by making the cups oh-so-small, the candy's allowing me a small break between bites to cleanse my palate and start the peanut-butter and chocolate addiction all over again with no end in sight. Anyone remember Ramona Quimby and her apples? The first bite always being the best?
It's kind of like that.

3. Greek Yogurt
In terms of deceptive goodies, this one takes the cake. I buy it, thinking, "Oo yogurt! Good for my bowels! And lightly flavored with honey means no overwhelming added sugar content!" So I'm happily satiating myself with my little tub of lightly tangy, oh so creamy bliss, mentally congratulating myself on finding a low-maintenance breakfast food I actually enjoy.

Then I decide to embark on the usual morning food container reading.

Well, goodness explained.

Second Ingredient: Cream. Fat Content per serving: Scary. Can't wait to buy some more!

In Summary: Orthorexia Nervosa actually exists?

Worshipping the Temple of DirectTV

2009-02-27T08:08:00.000-08:00

Swearing off outside work internet usage for 40 days means replacing one vice with another. This time, it's catching up with the contents of the DVR. Woot. Capsules of new shows:

1. Leverage on TNT
Premise: Timothy Hutton leads a team of con artists that include an actress (Gina Bellman), a guy who punches people (Christian Kane), a computer hacker (Aldis Hodge), and a thief (Beth Riesgraf). They steal from corrupt rich people. How's that for a byline?

Why I watched: Couldn't rent Hustle through my co-worker's Blockbuster online membership. Opted to try an American take on a heist series instead.

Expectations: Not high - since the glowing reviews quoted in the promos referenced Ocean's 12 and 13 as a means for lavish comparison. The fact that the reviewer had to distinguish the sequels from the original gave me the indication that the series may be fun, but not of the highest quality.

Review: Initially, a bit clunky with the victims (who the viewers are supposed to sympathize with for the team to help) being entirely over-wrought. Attempts at humor seemed a bit forced, but after a few episodes, the talented actors seemed to get a hang on their characters and really gelled, complete with great chemistry and LOL moments. The cons are really clever and entertaining (albeit typically TV-land plausible) where I actually can't see the twists coming. Acting wise, I now have a little girl crush on Beth Riesgraf. By the fantastic season finale, I'm absolutely hooked and looking forward to the next season for sure.

2. Dollhouse on FOX.
Premise: Joss Whedon's new series where a corporation known as Dollhouse implants personalities onto blank humans to be used by rich people for whatever means they want. Eliza Dushku plays a "doll" named Echo. Tahmoh Penikett of BSG fame(HOOOOT) is an FBI agent trying to find Dollhouse.

Why I watched: Buffy. Angel. Firefly. Doctor Horrible.

Expectations: Joss Whedon? Excruciatingly high. Though, I'm not as huge a fan of Eliza Dushku as other Whedonites are. Don't know if she has range beyond Badass Punchy Girl.

Review: After two episodes. Meh. The premise of Dollhouse so far just seems like a glorified whorehouse with a geek-edge to it. Basically, Weird Science 2.0. What really makes the series falter is that I don't care about Echo one bit or what happens to her. When she's in peril during her "engagements", there's absolutely no investment because I know she'll just have her memory erased and revert to a boring glossy-eyed child. Coming from Whedon, who's forte ARE his characters, having a series centered around one with, literally, zero personality of her own is just jarring. Acting wise, Eliza does a good job of angry woman but kind of just looks confused when she's emoting.

Why There?

2009-02-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

A prevalent conversation topic that's been popping up this past week has revolved around the various consequences of having to pee and not being able to. Call me stoked when coincidentally, I found this link.

Anyone want to try it out before me? I'll totally do it if no one else will. Though, on second though, my nightmare about being witnessed squatting and peeing by a bunch of school children doesn't necessarily seem like it'd be alleviated by the usage of a Go-Girl. Sure, I'm no longer in a precarious position with my butt on display, but is being caught standing up with a silicon attachment to my crotch really all that much better?

And I don't care if it's been brought up more than once that they look like sacrificial robes for a satanic cult. This cold nip has me craving for a snuggie:

Image Consultation for Husband Seekers

2009-02-17T15:06:00.000-08:00

1. Pull hair into androgynous rat-tail.
2. Don on wrestling shorts of dubious origins.
3. Strap on Guitar Hero controller. The more obscure and unnecessary the model, the better.
4. Borrow cankle-inducing boots from BFFF.
5. Prepare to beat off the men with a stick from the sheer overwhelming desirability emanating from your new look.

Last Christian Bale Post, I Promise

2009-02-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

Newsies was my absolute favorite movie as a kid, so this little mash up just really made my day:

NSFW F*ckin Newsies! @ Yahoo! Video

I'm Evil and a Heathen

2009-02-04T07:37:00.001-08:00

Hah.Though I digress: Douchey behavior behind the scenes wouldn't ever prevent me from watching something decent. Bad acting, on the other hand, is another story.

The hair's all gone. General reaction is wavering between feeling like a boy with bad hair, fear of comparisons with Katie Holmes, and satisfaction over having one less superficial thing to have to deal with.

Color Me Shocked

2009-02-03T07:26:00.000-08:00

1. Method actor throws a tantrum when his scene is interrupted.
2. 23-year old smokes weed while partying.
3. Fashion magazine cover is photo-shopped.
4. President quotes tabloid headline.

Must be a slow news day.

Bromance at its Best

2009-02-02T06:59:00.000-08:00

A: ready for this?
after the backer, MC was using the restroom
so R. went out in the snow to pee
so N. came behind him and slapped him in the ass

A: so R., pants still open, turned around and started chasing N.
then he kicked N. in the butt
and the angle at which his foot hit N. broke (or almost broke, were not sure) his foot
and the best part is that N. didn't even feel it
he kept running til he heard R. yelling on the ground

A: you should harass R. about it
well actually
an added hilarious thing is that we were all wasted
so we all tried to help him
I tried to wrap frozen pie crust around his foot
but it was frozen
so we all just threw it around the room

A: and then MC tried berries
aaaaaand
I somehow got the whole thing recorded on my voicemail

A: so all of a sudden its like OW OW OW OW FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK OW OW OW OW MY FOOT MY FOOT MY FOOT
and then for four minutes it's R. yelling and the rest of us laughing

A: punctuated by N. yelling "I'm just trying to help, man!"

me: ..."breaking foot on boy's ass" sounds so much funnier than "falling into car"

A: true true
with penis hanging out, btw

And my favorite super bowl commercial:

Caption Contests

2009-01-30T13:55:00.000-08:00

One of my guilty pleasures is the "CAPTION THIS" contest on dlisted. Sure, 75% of the time, I'm resisting the urge to gag at whatever new NSFW image Michael K posts for the day, but every once in a while, some real gems shine through. My favorite one of the moment:
I'm always curious about the bizarre circumstances that lead to the moments like that.

Ditto to this one I've been seeing float around for a while. If anyone knows how it came to play, I'd really like to know. I'm assuming it was just some clever photoshop, but if it's legitimate, it's a crack up.

No explanation really needed for this picture. I'm just impressed at whoever managed to get the guy to not only pose like that, but sign off on the picture release. Modeling is weird.

Hiro's Coming Home Today!

2009-01-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Help out the great place that let us adopt him (click below):

Further continuation of the crazy dog-lover theme of today:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Road to the Doghouse - Puppedential Debate

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

2008 Moments

2008-12-19T10:12:00.000-08:00

How I Met Your Mother is a bit of That 70s Show rehash for me. Basically, a somewhat mainstream sitcom comedy who's horrendous laugh track is overcome by a hilarious, talented cast with great chemistry. (Surprisingly, the fact that 75% of That 70s Show cast turned out to be fame-whoring douchebags still doesn't make me laugh less over old reruns). Anyway, nothing pleases me more to discover EW paying montage to their favorite 2008 moments by utilizing the HIMYM cast.

I'm gonna go home and put my head in the oven

2008-12-16T07:03:00.000-08:00

Humorous Assholes and Clever Bitches
Jerk and insult humor can go a long way when it's done well. It's the perfect hybrid of the highest and lowest character denominators - reveling in the muck of nastiness but witnessing it delivered in a high-minded, intellectual manner. Pure entertainment gold. (And if said gold happens to be delivered in Logan Echolls-looking packaging, even the more better. Okay, last prepubescent VM shout out for the rest of the year, I swear.)

So the problem: too many people believe they can do it. The issue arises when people start acting like bitches for the sake of being bitchy because being nice just seems too dull. It no longer becomes about the issue at hand but more just letting everyone within your communication radius know exactly what trivial event of the hour absolutely deserves a verbal beat down because it irritates YOU and it must be known.

And more often than not - the delivery isn't even entertaining, clever, or humorous. Not just on a personal subjective taste level, but more in the smallness of what exactly is so bothersome and the sweeping, VERY non-intellectual assumptions made.

Sure, the line of humorous/offensive is very blurry, but I guess the whole point I'm aiming towards is that not every person is Gregory House and it's become increasingly more common to witness people believing they are, to very unpleasant results. What we get are hyper-critics who deliver mean-spirited, generic insults on unsuspecting individuals, all the while believing they're particularly unique, funny, and interesting for doing so. Basically, reveling in the lowest common-denominator but deluding themselves into thinking that they're in the highest.

Disclaimer time: I've SO done this. Several, several times. Hell, the case can be made that I'm doing it now. I still cringe remembering when I use to think I was so hilar-lar in taking such a strong stance against overweight people because no one else had the guts to be outrageous enough to say the mean comments out loud. My biggest regrets in life aren't about what choices I made or didn't make, but what behavior I allowed myself to not only exhibit, but think more highly of myself for doing so. I can only to look back in hindsight and realize what a huge insecure douchebag I was and hope I have enough foresight that I don't have another ego-trip relapse.

Summary: It's very easy to be mean. It's easy to garner attention and feel validated by being outrageously cruel. It's not easy delivering legitimately clever insults on a regular basis (especially without a team of writers mulling weeks over the perfect opening and rejoinder). And it's especially difficult to be okay enough with yourself to just be nice and expect nothing in return.

Rich 50 is the middle class 38

2008-12-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

Fingers crossed for Iron Man II and Batman III

Add Quantum of Solace to my ever-growing list of films that breach the incoherency threshold. It appears that the ongoing trend with follow-ups to critically acclaimed blockbusters is to bloat them with as many astounding action sequences as possible, which typically comes hand-in-hand with a convoluted plot that weakly links all the scenes together, complete with thinly explained superfluous character introductions/removals. I'm all for a revamp of the 007 series, but I find myself longing for the good ol' days of the basic Bond story line: evil man with evil world domination plan --> watch Bond defeat him spectacularly. On an appended note: my strong distaste for rapid edits and shaky camera work still stands.

Thoughts of me? Hey, I get it. Sometimes I'm up all night, just thinkin' about myself.

2008-12-12T06:50:00.000-08:00

The main reason why I have zero desire to read or watch Twilight:
(excerpt review on the main character, Bella Swan, from the Washington Post)
"Edward's habit of constantly pulling her onto his lap or having her ride on his back further emphasize her childlike qualities....the overall effect is a weird infantilization that has repellent overtones to an adult reader and hardly seems like an admirable model to foist upon our daughters (or sons)."

In general, I've never been a big fan of the whole Disney Princess prototype - super repressed damsels in distress pining and obsessing over their prince. I'm even less of a fan that the prince is inadvertently the ultimate symbol of freedom from an environment of pseudo-slavery (i.e. under the sea, life with an evil stepmother, etc.). There's this general pandering fantasy message for females that in order to find happiness, only a man will be the true key to it.

Granted, most Disney movies are based on stories written and taking place during times when women were thought to be the lesser sex, so the general subdued/placated nature of the female leads is technically an accurate representation of the social norms of the culture. Plus, it's not like they're completely lame personality wise - it's just that the romantic plot device is.

Which leads me back to the Twilight series. As a disclaimer, my protestations are extremely unjustified because I've never read the book. Instead, I've read the synopsis, the reviews, and the movie spoiler. That's it. So yes, there's the strong legitimate potential that if I were to actually read the book, I'll quickly become one of the squeeing fans (my older sister included) lined up for hours before the each premiere. Look at what breaking my "no more teen shows" clause did with Veronica Mars.

But I can't wrap my head around a modern heroine who's only goal in life seemingly is to just be with her man. Sure, there are the general subplots of vampire families and werewolves bugging her, but her drive for EVERYTHING is revolving around a man. My internal feminist screams in protest.

But since I didn't read it, that might not actually be the case. Maybe Bella does kick butt in Hermione-like fashion and helps solve problems as opposed to create them in her obsession with Edward. But then again, I come across plot points where Bella goes cliff-diving to hear Edward's voice, nearly drowns, then is rescued by another "beautiful" supernatural male...

I'm just more predisposed to story lines where a guy actually has to WORK for the female's affection and not the other way around. Or even better, when both of them have to overcome their own personality defects to be with each other. I like an even playing field - not one-sided smoopyness. Or even worse: continual maudlin declarations of love to each other as a means to overcome life's obstacles. I don't find that horribly romantic.

In summary: There's been a lot of evidence contrary to my personal taste as incentive to not read the book. If someone wants to present an argument as to why the book is so awesome aside from it's easy readbility and intense popularity, I'll be happy to take a look.

I'm currently in the process of testing a theory that bad days are contagious. Basically, starting from when I got back from work yesterday (after hearing about my co-worker's not-so-great day), things have been sucking - not at any emo-inducing levels, but still not super great. It's just been a bit of a domino effect where little things just don't go as planned, emotionally exacerbated by Thorne's devastatingly adorable flat-eared guilty look when I'm yelling at him for eating the pool table. But then, I also have the theory that a bad day is typically followed by an exceedingly great one because of lowered expectations and emotional countenance. So, there's the potential that I'm going to have an AWESOME weekend.

Happy thoughts (to counter any potential fatalistic ones)
1. I enjoy my smart friends who are secure enough to admit they love stupid things and don't even bother trying to act like they're above it.
2. I'm pleased that I have yet to set foot in the mall for any holiday shopping.
3. I don't have finals.

Take My Money - Waste of Paaaaper

2008-12-10T06:54:00.001-08:00

After yesterday's attempt at verbosity, my brain decided it had enough wannabe mental stimulation, so we're back to the lists.

Inventory of Thorne Destruction Thus Far:
1. Four pairs of shoes.
2. The Pool Table cover.
3. Three lawn lights.
4. One remote.
5. Box of band-aids.
6. Two coasters.
7. A pot of soil (inside the house).

I say, all in all, it hasn't been that bad. Plus, how can you resist this face?(for the record, he's hugging the "That's What She Said" cushion)

Interests that people list that aren't very interesting
1. Soccer.
2. Food.
3. Shopping.
4. Their significant other.
5. Drinking.
6. Preference for another race outside their own.
7. Money.
(Feel free to blare the "Hypocrite Alert!" horn any time you want.)

Shows I need to check out
1. Hustle
2. Burn Notice

Serous Membranes Are Used for Lubrication

2008-12-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

(headline is a shout out to easily the most ridiculous word thus far in Wordscraper play)

Happy Holidays to me. AT&T decided it'd be a great time to dump an extra $137.14 payment on top of my regular one for this month's bill. Time to go hunt a hapless customer service representative down.

Some post-election commentary. First, the light stuff:

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Now the serious(ly boring - beware):
Hypothetical situations seemed to be the argument of choice when it comes to matters of fuzzy accusations on subjective topics. For example, just recently, CNN's Campbell Brown made the argument that Governor Ed Rendell would not had made his off-mic "no life" comment if Governor Janet Napolitano had been a male. What is frustrating about this is that there no way to either justify or disprove this statement. Napolitano will never be a man (barring a sex-change, but that's an entirely different ball park - whoo, Oregon!), hence Rendell will never get to either prove or disprove Campbell Brown's conjecture. Instead, what we get is nation-wide outrage and public denials/apologies that continue until another event provides fodder for non-evidence based pondering.

Granted, making hypotheses is inherent in the world of politics. Focusing on particular issues and laws in preparation for the unknown future is a necessity. [Cue cheesy West Wing quote about non-written commandment of making a better place for our children]. So of course, every responsible politician and political analyst has to think outside the box, come up with an array of issues that could potentially come up, and adjust accordingly. But (I'm hoping) more often than not, these responsible discussions are based on previous knowledge, events, and laws that have set precedence. What my beef with hypothetical arguments is that, regularly, they are used as a means to justify irrational self-righteousness, unfounded attacks on character, and a means to feed fear and paranoia - all under the guise of coherent "intellectual/factual discussion." They're also ridiculously easy to use because research is not necessary and what better way to present an argument than to use evidence that can't be disproved because it doesn't exist?

In summary: Facts. Previous knowledge of events. Data. Pretty important stuff. Back up your argument. "What ifs?" - not so much.

And after my long-ass rant against "what-ifs" comes something completely contradictory: "What if your child turned out to be gay?" [Warning: more rambling ahead]

One (of MANY) things that have been brought to my attention through the whole Prop. 8 debacle is the inherent fear in parents that their kids will be gay. Something that Prop. 8 supporters gleefully utilized in their campaigns. One comment I heard from a supporter (paraphrasing, of course): "The gay community can live however they want, but when they're teaching their lifestyle to my kids, that's going too far."

I'm going to ignore the obvious discussion of the non-connection between gay marriage and schools since I'm pretty sure a Google search would return a much more eloquent analysis than any one I would have to present. My question is: "Why is it a big deal that your children are aware of LBGT relations or might turn out to be gay?" Obviously, if you have a problem with gays, period, your children are definitely off limits. But what about the people like the supporter above? Who are open-minded enough to acknowledge the LBGT community's existence without wishing damnation upon them but having their kids do the same? Huge NO. If you're "okay" with gay people, why not be okay with your child being gay? I really don't have an answer to this or, basically, it's just an exercise to not so subtly (and pretentiously) point out that despite the best attempts to present an image of tolerance, it seems to be human nature to react with a "HELL NO" when "different" hits too close to home.

In summary: After all the not-so-deep analysis above, I follow with my own non-PC, completely partisan take:

"Get. Over. It."

And to end the entry on an inane note, something cool from coolhunter:

Annnd. Happy Holidays to me, again. Courtesy of Jess, again:

The Office is No Longer Must See TV

2008-12-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

This season (and a good portion of the last), the writers of The Office have made it clear that their task is to present newer alternatives to plot devices/character eccentricities that made Season 1 and 2 so great. Unfortunately, these upgraded versions aren't really that funny (or cute in some particular endeavors). Cases in point:

1. Dwight and Jim:
What had once been a comedic cornerstone of the show - Jim antagonizing Dwight - has now taken a backseat to the completely dull coupledom of Jim and Pam and the sporadically humorous love-triangle of Dwight-Andy-Angela. Nothing is more painful than watching the two male leads waste important minutes of screen time pining after their mutual mates. Where's the funny? Aside from the brilliant factually incorrect BSG monologue, Dwight and Jim's chemistry has been at an all time low. Bummer.

2. Pam 2.0:
Last week's episode clinched it. Pam is no longer likable. Gone is the plain-but-beautiful, shy, sensitive with a mean streak, humorous girl. In place is a borderline bitchy, clearly manipulative, overconfident, unfunny woman. Got to give the writer's some credit - they managed to illustrate rather accurately the real life occurrence among some women where upon snagging a man, the feeling of empowerment on finding a guy who likes them translates into an overall increase in confidence, which leads to outspoken behavior that isn't necessarily pleasant to witness. Some examples: a) the microwave incident; b) threatening Jim. Anyway, as realistic as it is, again, NOT FUNNY.

3. Michael's man-crush on Ryan: Bring it back!

4. Jim and Pam:
To quote Jess: "wah wahhh...zzzzzz." The romantic tension has officially left the building. While it's not necessary to break them up to keep things interesting, it would be nice if so much screen time wasn't focused on them playing-cute-that-isn't-very-cute-at-all. Yes, after two and a half season of "will they or won't they", it's happy times now that the two are together. But PLEASE stop cramming it down the viewers' throats. We get it - Jim is a nice guy and Pam is a lucky girl. What's next? (Maybe some Karen? Please?).

5. Kelly Kapoor: Not a huge complaint. But resorting to pregnancy and rape lies for humor - really?

Not that everything is all bad: a) Andy's character has come miles in terms of the obnoxious anger-management needing a-hole from season 3; b) The increase of Darryl from the warehouse is highly welcomed; and c) Holly and Michael geeky moments were awkwardly sweet. So while The Office hasn't necessarily jumped the shark to the extent that Heroes has (an entire rant post within itself), the moments of hilarity dispersed through this season have not been often or consistent enough to warrant a Thursday 9pm appointment with the couch.

Depressing Geeky Admission of the Day

2008-12-05T09:17:00.000-08:00

This has actually happened:

Mainly, every day during the long trek to the bathroom, I find myself prone to fanciful thinking about how cool an epic choreographed battle would be involving all the cubicles getting demolished, falling down like dominoes. CG related hyper-kinetic moves and powers all play a part...and I'm probably going to delete this post in the future. In my defense, I've never been delusional enough to cast myself in so-called epic battles (as opposed to comic-guy above).

And my official default response to pompous elitists:

If it wasn't obvious, I've recently re-discovered the joy of nerd humor.

Goal of next entry: not reference myself once. Read an article about how it's a legitimate exercise for mental stimulation. Let's see how that goes.

Countdown to 24

2008-11-25T07:28:00.001-08:00

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season Finale. Watch it.

And more goodies from Japan. Do you think the male model had any idea what his image was going to be utilized for?

My reaction to being another year older:

Pictures

2008-11-18T10:17:00.001-08:00

Happy Anniversary

2008-09-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

It's getting close to the year mark since I've started this blog with the intention of pawning some early morning work (shh) ramblings onto my (admittedly, few) friends. Plus, the additional challenge of expressing my thoughts in a non-bullet note format. On that note, it's only been a very partial success.

Anyway, instead of using the whole New Year to look back at what I've done, I figured blog world anniversary is as a good excuse as any. So, onto the bullet list of things I have learned (or mostly verified more concretely).

1. Conversation: No matter how righteous a tone I take on, a great friend will see through it and always tell me I'm full of crap when I'm full of crap. Surrounding oneself with sycophants is highly overrated. Though, I'm probably just saying that because I've never been non-dorky enough to be on the receiving end of sycophantic adoration.

2. Animals: Always wait at least an hour after your dog takes a dump before cleaning up after him; Big dog pee kills grass like no other; and all animals like Nick better than me.

3. Heroes: Veronica Mars. Veronica Mars. Veronica Mars...and Gob.

4. Politics: Despite my declaration that I wasn't going to be a mindless party-follower and instead strive to be a vigorous fact-finding/informed voter, I find myself fixating on the negative information on who I'm predisposed to dislike and only concentrating on the positives of those I would had voted if I had believed in all the campaign lies in the first place. So end result? Keeping tabs on the election is entertaining, but I'd be ridiculously pretentious to think that I was being objective in terms of my views. At least I can promise I'll still never be an obnoxious online political article commentator who can't spell. Grr. Those drive me crazy.

5. Work: I can actually be decent at it. It'd be nice if I could be as vigorous with my EE industry knowledge as I was with my celebrity gossip. I guess we can put that as a new blog year resolution.

6. Laughs: Sam's blog. Jess. Ashley.

E-mail Post

2008-07-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

I generally don't make it a policy to post whatever hilar-lar story I receive via e-mail. But today's entry courtesy of Juhi was just too ridiculous to pass up. Easily the best writing I've seen EVER.

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.

Here are last year's winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. Traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. At a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her,
like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Mini-stories from my trip

2008-06-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

On our layover in Tokyo, I decided to pass the time by buying a Japanese Elle and flipping through the pictures. Actually, that's a lie. I bought the Japanese Elle to cover the fact that Nick was purchasing porn. He didn't want to appear like a complete pervert/weirdo, taking me into the store JUST to get Japanese Schoolgirls Gone Wild. A spread-eagle Madonna was obviously a much more appropriate cover.

Anyway.

While flipping through the pages, my mom decided that moment was great for quality bonding time and started peering over my shoulders, all inquisitive like. When I came across a spread depicting red carpet pictures of Victoria Beckham, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Angelina Jolie, etc., I received her patented, "Ewww...yucky!" Here's how the conversation (generally went):

Me: "Oh, you don't find them attractive?"
Mom: "Not at all!"
Me: "Too skinny?"
Mom: "TOO FAT!!!"
Me: "Uh...you do realize this woman [point to Posh] is known for being so skinny people think she has an eating disorder?"
Mom: "Fat."
Me: "Do you SEE her arms?" [now Angelina]
Mom: "Still fat. Look at her gigantic boobs."
Me: "You do realize if you were to stand next to any of these women, you'd be very short and very huge?"
Mom: "Well, I'm fat too."
Me: "That you are." [jiggles her belly]

Yeah, Nick says I'm an ass.

And just for more complete documentation, photos of my dad's reflexology session.

I <3 alittlef

2008-06-09T13:02:00.000-07:00

Stolen from someone else's blog:
"We’re talking about the bar we’re going to and this girl sitting next to us, says “Are you with the ND group! I’m Ashley and I’m going, too!” She then turns back to the book she’s reading and doesn’t say a word for the rest of the trip, putting her earphones back on. Andrew and I were a bit lost and followed her out of the BART terminal, but she was waiting for somebody and we didn’t want to be creepers and decided to try to find our own way, to much success........

......I was in a really goofy mood and was humming “See you again.” Ashley pulled it up on her iPhone and I think we were freaking out everybody in the car with the sing along. It’s funny how things come full circle. We found out that she just puts on her earphones so nobody will try to talk to her on the train. What a fraud! If I had an iPhone, I’d listen to awesome music on the train all the time! She didn’t talk to Andrew and I after the introduction, in her words,”the real reason I didn’t talk to you was because you were the guys on the train that everybody was trying to figure out if you were gay or not.” For the final twist, she said she was sad that we went to the bar ahead of her since she didn’t know where it was! Sort of the blind leading the blind, I guess. Anyway, it was a pretty fun night. Good times… which happens to be the name of the next tavern we’re heading to!"

Movie Watching Weekend

2008-04-20T19:07:00.001-07:00

Movie: Enchanted

Expectations: High from the 94% on RT. Ready to be charmed by Amy Adams.

Review: Watch Elf instead. It's basically the same plot, except Will Ferrel is infinitely more hilarious and less annoying than Amy Adams. Or you can do what I did and watch the two back-to-back and geekily pinpoint just how many matching scenes Enchanted had with Elf. Some examples of identical NY hijinks:
1. Getting stuck in a revolving door.
2. Discussion on what a date is.
3. Slight of hand trick.
4. Mistaking a dwarf for a mystical creature.
5. Musical number.
6. Storybook introduction.

It's a pretty extensive list. So, no points for originality. I also personally found Amy Adams to be really really annoying. Her high pitch shrieking and ditzy twirling did not translate into "charm" at all. Instead, her acting/character seemed (as Nick helpfully pointed out) more reminiscent of Charlize Theron's MR F from Arrested Development. The movie had it's moments, but overall, I'd rate it a thumbs down.

Movie: Juno

Expectations: Actually low based on Ashely's review.

Review: Officially add Michael Cera to my list. The movie was watchable and kept my interest. The idealistically intelligent approach everyone had to the teenage pregnancy definitely rang false more than a few times. And the voice-overs to convey Juno's commentary on life/showcase her snarky monotone personality were sparse, kind of random, and not conducive to the actual plot (did I really care that Juno felt the asshole actually had the hots for her?). It felt like Diablo was definitely trying too hard in the moments there. I found Jennifer Garner's performance amazing in her ability to not be as likable as Jason Bateman but definitely someone you feel for. As for Ellen Page, meh. Temper, monotone, snark - all from a tiny little girl. I get it. Veronica Mars is still way cooler.

Conclusion: One time viewing for me. Though a clip-show of Michael Cera scenes would garner obsessive repeat watching.

Movie: Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Expectations: Exceedingly high. Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, and Veronica Mars all having some input into the movie - formula for AMAZING.

Review: REALLY REALLY hilarious. Though, Knocked Up still holds place of funniest Apatow movie for me. Go see it anyway.

Movie Review # 2

2008-04-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

Movie: Death at a Funeral

Premise (stolen from RT): "A dignified send-off for a loved one erupts into chaos when romance, jealousy, in-laws, hallucinogens, dark secrets, life-long yearnings and a spot of bold blackmail all collide in this British comedy."

My expectations: None really. The above image of Walsh from Firefly naked on a rooftop peaked my curiosity. I was also interested in seeing a comedy that didn't involve one member of the Frat Pack.

What I got: I consistently chuckled throughout the entire movie, but I laugh easily. It's been a while since I've viewed a comedy where the laughs were derived from normal people getting into awkward situations as opposed to over-the-top characters ruining normal situations (i.e. most Will Ferrel movies). I've also always been a big fan of the multi-character storylines where individual situations all cleverly accumulate into one uproarious mess - this movie was a pretty prime example of it. Naked hallucinating Walsh with an English accent was pretty hilarious.

Conclusion: Not the greatest movie I've seen in a while, but solidly good. I recommend a mindless viewing at least once.

Score:3.75/5

Movie Reviews

2008-03-11T08:45:00.001-07:00

I checked up Ashley's blog recently and felt inspired enough by her fabulous entries to follow her footsteps and take a stab at reviewing some films I recently saw. Of course, my aversion to dark subject matter and violence really cramps the number of movies I can actually review, but here's my stab at it anyway.

Movie: Be Kind Rewind

Premise: A magnetized Jack Black deletes all the contents of a VHS rental store and teams up with Mos Def to recreate the contents for the customers - aka "Swede" the movies.

My expectations: Genuine clever humor involving the swede-ing of the films. Laugh-outloud performance from Black, every-man likeability from Mos Def, and innovative filming/story-telling style from Michel Gondry (being of Eternal Sunshine fame).

What I got: Innovative went too far into random and weird. The quirky characters with underdeveloped motivation, random conversations, and editing consistently felt at odds with the mainstream humor of watching Jack Black and Mos Def re-enact classics (and not so classic) movies. The delving into smaltz for the latter half of the movie (with the intention of feeling for characters I didn't GET) made the distinction more palpable. So while Michel Gondry's really scored some genuine laughs and "wow, that's really clever!" moments during the swede-ing processes, the rest of the film...not so much. In addition, Jack Black (popping up to wreak havoc and yell) and Mos Def (quiet, mumbling around) were defintiely under-utilized.

Conclusion: If I could just youtube the 15 minutes of the low-budget takes on the movies, I'd be perfectly content.

Score: 2.5/5

Bay Area Dining

2008-03-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

I just got back from another trip to LA, where as usual, Jessica treated us to plenty of delicious SoCal goodies. As an homage to her hospitality (and as a buffer blog to potential Veronica Mars spoilers listed bellow), I figured I'd compile a list of the various tasty restaurant up north.

1. A&J's in Cupertino Village. Hand made, high quality Taiwanese food at its best. Personal favorites: Beef Noodle soup (with the thick noodles), Fried Chicken over Rice with picked vegetables, potstickers...okay, the list goes on. The food is great stuff.

2. HC Dumpling (also in Cupertino Village). NorCal's version of Din Tai Fung. Fresh, steaming Shanghai dumplings galore.

3. Zachary's Pizza in Berkeley, Oakland, and San Ramon. Chicago style pizza with hands-down the best tomato sauce around. Yum.

4. Faultline Brewery in Sunnyvale. Delicious variety of (American?) foods with the chef's personal twist and regularly rotating menu. Personal favorites: Walnut ravioli, Black Pepper Calamari pasta, and the pale ale.

5. Uncle Yu's in Livermore. I'm not generally a big fan of fusion because it usually results in a half-assed attempt to Americanize Chinese food, but Uncle Yu's really got it down right with the vineyard influences. Personal favorites: honey calamari, Lettuce wraps.

6. Mahalo in Pleasanton. High-end Haiwaiian food. Personal favorites: Kobe Beef sandwhich on a sweet roll, the sampler platter.

Watching Too Much TV Again

2008-01-25T06:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I completed the first season of Veronica Mars in 4 days with Ashley. It's been a while since I gave the good old swoon a work out. Therefore, today's entry will focus on an analysis of my favorite guilty-pleasure plot device: The meant-for-each-other-but-we-have-to-wait-several-episodes-(sometimes seasons)-to-get-together-couple.

So basically there's two ways to start off:
1. Girl dates (or dated) jerk, meant for nice guy. Examples: Jam, and Chuck and Sarah. Tried to get it going with Simone and Peter, but that just SUUUUuuuucked.
2. Girl dates nice guy, but meant for jerk who's actually a nice guy. Example: Buffy and Spike, Rory and Jess, most recently LoVe Boat (term coined courtesy of TWoP), and pretty much any Asian pop drama out there.

My personal favorite is choice number 2 (if done well - I dislike Asian Dramas). Unfortunately reality really sucks and most often the jerk always remains a jerk. No amazing transformation from asshole to whipped puppy just because he finds a girl he likes. Choice number 1 is more representative of true reality where all the single guys whine about why all the girls go for the assholes. Personal aside: as obnoxious as jerk behavior is, a fullgrown man PMSing is inifinitely worse.

Next phase in the all-encompassing lurve are the obstacles, usually consisting of (but not exclusive to):
1. Secondary love interest.
2. The ex.
3. Pregnancy.
4. Car accident/killer on the loose.

Which amazingly, the writers maintain for an extensive period of time before any resolution arrives. The long wait unfortunately means either: (1)by the time the two end up together, we're stuck with a lingering sense they actually might not last due to all the trauma they had to endure, (2) the actor portraying one of the characters leaves the show because there's only so much mooning one can take; or (3) the show gets cancelled without any resolution or a cheap tacked-on make out scene at the last second. Anyway, these things end up not being too great for my emotional well-being or my issues dealing with frustration, but I just can't help but get sucked in nonetheless.

Oh supercouples, what you do to me. Personal thanks to Ashley for getting me started again. Logan did think you were hot:

Blog Log = Redundant Term

2008-01-22T07:08:00.000-08:00

It's been less than 24 hours since Nick left for Tahoe. Log of uncool behavior thus far:

Unnecessary facebook picture comments on Jess's profile: 2
Episodes of Veronica Mars watched: 4
Hours of harping over why Veronica isn't with Logan yet and that Duncan sucks: 3+
Episodes of Samurai Jack watched: 1.5
Minutes of Celeb Gossip with Ashley: approx. 50
Bowls of Pho ingested: 1
Cross-stitches stitched: 20
Minutes of GMAT Studying: 0

Amy got engaged

2008-01-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

And I'm now a bridesmaid. Since I'm generally a pain in the ass, chances are she'll force me to wear something horrendous and I'll end up looking like this:

I totally rock it.

Oh Tenenbaum

2007-12-19T07:21:00.000-08:00

So I thought Christmas Sausage Beyonce would be the ultimate fashion highlight of the month. Thankfully year end photo coverage has shown me the light in revealing: Robo-Beyonce.

Mariah's definitely been served.

The past weekend Nick's mom took us up to a Calistoga spa where I received the complimentary gift of Eukee, the Eucalyptus Koala:Which was my cue for a lot of annoying swooning and lame attempts to have Eukee mimick life like behavior. A personal highlight - having him help Nick's dad balance his funds:

Holiday Time!

2007-12-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

In the grand tradition of posting transparent photos purely with the intent to show off, I present my completed Holiday Puzzle:

Next stop, a montage of all the Christmas gifts I'll receive because people love me that much. After all, everyone knows how much money spent on you is the most direct measurement of genuine affection. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. (TOTALLY kidding if the sarcasm wasn't apparent).

And nothing gets me more in the spirit of Christmas than my favorite R&B singer doing her best impression of a Christmas Tree Sausage Hybrid:

Looks like Mariah has some competition.

Self Imposed Quarantine

2007-12-07T17:28:00.001-08:00

Picture of the Day, courtesy of Miss Saha:

The name of the file: hating-stuff-to-make-yourself-look-interesting-is-not-interesting.jpg did jumpstart several memories of idiotic commentary I've been forced to listen to. Mainly, that of XXXX ranting at 3 am in the morning about how crop circles aren't formed by aliens and the middle of the night programming that indicated otherwise was just ludicrous, blah blah blah. Seeing how XXXX was probably the only person on the west coast watching such ludicrous programming, it was pretty much a moot point to whine about. Though I digress. I do love a good rant, so I take episodes like that as good warning not to cross the line - or at least be careful to who I rant to. :D

Dreams, Heroes, and Cuties

2007-12-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

Last night I had an interesting dream. I was doing my usual thing of analyzing particular physical attributes of other people when randomly, someone pointed out I had really big armpits. I looked over, and lo and behold, I did have huge armpits. It seemed to make perfect sense in my dream, but in the real world, I wonder what that would actually look like. Is it POSSIBLE to have overlarge armpits? Profound hypothetical question of the day.

Last night was also the season finale of Heroes. Overall, I have to agree with Tim Kring's consensus that the writers definitely screwed up somewhat and this season was just pretty much a tease of what could had happened with no real satisfaction. Also, Maya screaming, "YOU KILLED MY BROTHA!!" instead of using her creepy eye mojo further reiterated the fact that her character has been the largest waste of screen time in the history of television. I still have hope for the third season, despite this one's lackings. Though Claire's blood bringing people back from the dead really feels like a cop out - now the writers have a nice go to whenever they want to bring back characters that ate it.

A few weeks ago, I came across the greatest about-me. I figured I'd post:
About Me
*hi* i'm 26 and a total cutie! *(^ ^)* i like to laugh and i love to eat cookies and ice cream - yum!! *(><)* heehee *^ ^* ummmm.... what else? oh yeah~ i'm aZn and i'm from sO kaLi and i luuuuuuuv my boyfriend! ~*(^ ^)*~ *teehee* huggleZ to every1~!! ------------ i didn't know what to write, but i used some exemplars from the "I'm cute" blogring.

The Spice Girls have started their tour. I was never a fan, but I can't pass up another flashy photoshop opportunity:

I'm Still Yawning

2007-11-28T07:31:00.000-08:00

News Today

The Literary Review recently announced the nominees and winners of the Bad Sex in Fiction Award. My particlar favorite was that of David Thewlis, a.k.a. Professor Lupin from the Harry Potter movies:

"...a sex scene in his novel "The Late Hector Kipling," where a man has his nipple drenched in lighter fluid, set on fire and then doused in beer."

Oh Lupin, I didn't know you had it in you.

Celebrating

2007-11-26T18:46:00.000-08:00

So, my birthday is tomorrow. My favorite scene was removed due to copyright infringement, but I figured this was just as good.

Photoshop

2007-11-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

Some new and old additions:

1. Andrew the American Gladiator

2. Respecting her marriage:

3. Historic Boob:

Watching Too Much TV

2007-10-30T09:20:00.001-07:00

1. Favorite Plot Device: Normal Guy/Girl with Extraordinary Abilities/Circumstances. Normalness further retiterated with supporting cast of quirky characters berating him/her to retierate how normal his/her life is. Just as long the quirky characters don't chew TOO much scenery. Example: Chuck.

2. Least Favorite Plot Device: Love Triangles.
There's no quicker way to make a likeable character unlikeable than with a love triangle. Basically there's two variations:
a) one love interest is obviously more unlikeable than the other, which makes the person stuck in the middle a complete idiot for contemplating even staying with severely unlikeable love interest.
b) both love interestes are high likeable, which causes the viewers frustration because it's sad to see one of them left in the dust when things finally come to its conclusion. Also, makes the the finaly coupling seem less satisfying because all you can think about is what could had been if the other coupling had happened and what a jerk the person in the center was to have left them.

In addition, with all the angst going on over unrequited love, everyone's just acting too emo to actually look like they'd be any happier finally being in a relationship. It basically gets to the point where each person becomes the complete opposite of what initially attracted them to the other in the first place. Example: cheerful, adorable Hiro from Heroes is now mopey, knocked unconscious Hiro screwing up the space time continuum over a simpering girl.
Happy Hiro:

Sad Hiro:

This past weekend, I think I literally felt the burning sensation of my brain cells melting off as I read a Q&A section in People Magazine regarding Kim Kardashian's (who???) butt. My long term memory hates me now for taking up precious space with the newfound info that Kim's method for figuring if her butt is just big enough is by having a towel hang from it without sliding off. Curse you, selective hippocampus - where were you during my EE123 Exam?

Driving

2007-10-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

Between living at home during college, my job in Sunnyvale, and regular trips to LA and Oregon, I've accumulated a pretty hefty amount of mileage behind the wheels. So of course, along with the driving are the pet peeves associated with the drivers that aren't me (of course) and the all encompassing road rage that gets worse year by year. So out of the many things that tick me off on the road (i.e. slow mergers, lane hoppers, etc.), by far THE WORST offenders are easily the Road Boulders: slow people in the faster lanes.

What distinguishes these horrible drivers from the rest of the horrid masses is basically the TIME spent with them. Now, asshole drivers who cut me off to get ahead, I can get pissed for about half a minute, and then they're gone from my sight and I appease myself with the idea that maybe the CHP is about two miles down ready to pull them over. Similar logic applies to crappy mergers - once the merge is done with, it's pretty much over. Road Boulders on the other hand, I'm stuck behind them. And STUCK I remain while they drive along, completely oblivious to how much an asshole they really are and the extra commuting minutes they're adding to all the people behind them. People who are PISSED because there's a reason why the woke up at buttcrack of dawn and it ISN'T to drive 50 mph in the fast lane. So I created a guide to identifying the indicators that you might want to MOVE the F*** over. X marks the Road Boulder.

1. The distance between you and the car in front of you is enough for two other cars to squeeze in from the right side (which they probably already have).
2. When you look behind you, there's at LEAST two cars tailing closely behind you. No, they are not aggressive assholes tailgating, they just merely want to go FASTER in the FAST lane.
3. Not enough evidence? The cars on your RIGHT are passing you.
4. Still not enough? The huge semis in the slow lane are passing you. MOVE OVER.

The only thing worse than not moving over? When they SPEED up when you try to pass them on the right. And all of this is perfectly legal. It really shouldn't be.

Conclusion: "Slower Traffic Stay Right" isn't JUST a suggestion.

Unleashing the Nerd

2007-10-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

I got Transformers on Tuesday. Since then, I've viewed it an additional 2 times, something I'd like to note because between increasing must-see tv viewings and work getting heavier, popping in a DVD is becoming more difficult to get around to, let alone seeing more than once after purchasing. But I like the movie and notice something new every time I watch.

Last night, I actually honed in the on the mumbled jumble science speak over the intercepeted Decepticon signal and realized that hmm, I actually know the background behind what they're talking about. Now, if I was actually knew anything REAL about DSP, I'd probably had been all over it from the initial viewing, but I don't, so my repeat watching brought me newfound entertainment in seeing Super-hot science nerd pronounce "Fourier Transform" like so:

Reasonably, the lady is Australian and "four" IS probably pronouced as "few". For my personal amusement, I'm nexing that explanation and creating my own that hot actress had no idea what the hell she was talking about and mispronounced the basic terminology. Yay for dumb good-looking people.

The Nature of Dumb

2007-10-12T08:32:00.000-07:00

Recently, Nick has discovered a new source of intense stupidity in the form of a co-worker who was hired a few months ago (I'll call her D.O.). Setting out on an audit with her and their supervisor last week, he was mildy amused at the level of incompetence she displayed completing the work. Nothing stunningly noteworthy aside from her inability to perform any (and I mean ANY) task without the supervisor explaining the process in full detail to her, followed by 10 minutes of blank staring, then another inquiry on what she was supposed to do again. Repeat scenario at least three times all the while D.O. is moaning "I'm so dumb and old. I can't do this!" (she's 30 and actually has a degree). So we're not talking endearing Forrest Gump stupidity where she tried her hardest despite her lack of smarts - lady had already thrown in the towel.

After the hour of explanation, D.O. then continued to amaze by NOT doing the work and just filling out the equivalent of "Incomplete" in 50% of the cells on the excel spreadsheet that she was in charged of filling out, therefore making the supervisor have to redo all the work for her. D.O. also had an intense fear of talking to the clients to retrieve information and had actually on a few occurrences handed them HER work and told them to fill it out for her.

So then it got better when Nick realized that despite only being at the company for a few months, out of the three auditing jobs D.O. was assigned, she already requested to be off from TWO. The reason? On her first job, a person was "mean and unsupportive" to her and the client was bad (a rather strong opinion seeing that this is her FIRST client). So she didn't want to work with either person or client again. Something that pretty much the entire office knew (including the H.R.) because D.O. was so dumb she broke the Newbie Hire Rule and could'nt keep her mouth shut about how unhappy she was working with people who'd been with the company for 5+ years.

So mean co-worker joined their audit yesterday and Nick finds that "unsupportive" translates to making D.O. do one spreadsheet out of the three they assigned her and admonishing her for asking the client to fill out her OWN form. Things got really great when Nick and mean co-worker walked in on D.O. complaining and whining to the supervisor about mean co-worker.

So mini question: What kind of stupid is more tolerable? The delusional type where someone thinks they're greater than they are? Or the fully-acknowledged type where they wallow in their sorrow and refuse to do anything because of their lackings?

First of all.

2007-10-11T13:11:00.001-07:00

I took the leap and decided to create an entirely new blog separate from the one I've had for the past six years. My reasons:
1. Previous blog had crappy picture uploading capabilities.
2. The always dependable herd mentality. Everyone's doing it!
3. A newfound resolution to write actual entries and not just blurbs of the brief entertaining moments of my life.
4. A masochistic (and egotistical) need to post public evidence on just how much of a jackass I can be.

So pretty much, the little articles, links, pictures, and quotes I find so entertaining will continue to be delegated to Old blog. New blog will consist of repetitious, pretentious ramblings/rantings in the hopes that a moment of genuine profoundness may leak through (or at least a well-formed sentence). Unfortunately, chances are I'll just end up writing entries criticizing something that I'm actually doing in the entry itself. ("I hate it when friends complain about other friends!" "I hate haterz!" "Crazy bitches need to DIIEEEE!!!"). Oh well, if I dish it, might as well take it, too.

So, we (or I) begin.

I know in general, parents are always kinda nuts/weird no matter what. But recent events are continually convincing me that mine are miles beyond the bell curve of normal.

Evidence A:
A couple days ago, my mom described her first date with my dad when she was an undergraduate and he was a grad student at Taiwan University. Basically his plan was to take her to the local concert that he claimed he could get tickets for a good deal since he was a student.
So here's what happenend:
6:00 - My mom waits for him outside her place.
6:30 - My dad finally arrives. His reason for being late? Playing basketball with his buddies. My mom strangely takes it as a good thing that he's honest with her. I'm thinking he's just socially retarded.
6:45 - Head to the concert where my mom discovers that he DIDN'T buy the tickets like he said because he was too busy and forgot. My dad ruins his chance to make up for it by freaking out over the high cost of the scalper tickets and dragging my mom to a crowded restaurant instead.
7:00 - My mom already ate but my dad's starving so she she sits there drinking coffee while he eats - which, from my experience of sharing several meals with him, alone can be the gross out challenge of a Fear Factor episode. We're talking chewing with his mouth open, talking with his mouth full, slurping, food in his teeth, the works.
8:00 - The go to a lookout point where my dad proceeds to tell her that he's DATING SOMEONE. Again, my mom is weird and is okay with it - telling him she doesn't care because she hasn't even made up her mind if she liked him or not but she is worried about the girl because he doesn't seem to like her that much. My dad's really confused that my mom isn't pissed off.

Three days later, he breaks up with the girl and asks my mom on another date.

Final thoughts: I'm officially blaming all my social inappropriateness on my genetics.

The happy couple: